'AITA for not inviting my GF to take a photo when she could've just included herself?'
"Is it my fault that my girlfriend wasn't included in a group picture?"
GlitteringSpirit4896 says:
My girlfriend (23F) and I (24M) went on a weekend trip with my family. At the end of it, my sister and I were taking selfies outside our cabin. Later, the rest of our family joined, and my sister's boyfriend came along too, but my girlfriend stayed inside.
On the ride home, she told me she was upset that I didn't invite her out to take a photo with us. When she heard my sister called her boyfriend over for the family photo, she thought that I'd do the same, but I never did, and it made her sad.
I told her that it wasn't a big deal; she should have just joined us instead of waiting for me to invite her. But she pressed on, saying that she felt awkward because we kept calling it a "family photo," and a gesture like what my sister did would have been kind.
I got mad at her and told her that she was making it sound like I should've read her mind. Again, my family weren't strangers to her. She could have said that she wanted to be in the photo with us. Or she could have followed my sister's boyfriend and joined in.
She agreed that it wasn't a big deal, but it still made her upset. And I might have been an AH here; I replied somewhere along the line, "Fine, I'll call her whenever I take a photo with my parents."
We're at a standstill. I apologized for what I said, but she keeps saying that it wasn't the point. I get that my comment was rude, but if she's talking about the pictures taken at the cabin, I don't understand why she's so hung up on it. She has plenty of photos from this trip, both with individuals and with the group.
Here are the top judgements from this post:
Forward_Squirrel8879 says:
YTA (You're the A^#*ole) - First of all, yes. It was rude for you not to ask her to join the photo. Especially after your sister asked her boyfriend to join. Second - if you can't handle being told that something you did hurt/upset your GF without getting mad and defensive, you need to work on yourself.
Your GF told you that something you did (or in this case didn't do) made her sad and upset. And the first thing you said was that it wasn't a big deal. So right off the bat you told her that her feelings were not valid because they didn't align with your feelings. And who cares if it was "a big deal"? Why does something have to be a big deal in order for her to have a right to be upset by it?
You got mad because you felt like she wanted you to have read your mind. But you also said that she should have just joined the photo without waiting for you to invite her. Which kind of sounds like you expected her to read YOUR mind.
You escalated this from a conversation to an argument because you tried to make this into a debate about whether she should feel upset/sad about what happened. But that wasn't ever up for debate. Because she did feel that way.
D0nt_mind_mee says:
YTA come on, your GF felt excluded and told you that upset her and your response was getting rude to say the least. It would have been rude/awkward to just get up and join the pics without being asked so I get why she feels that way. She just wanted you to think of her.
The second you saw your sisters boyfriend it shouldn’t have been a second thought to call out for her. To her, she might have felt left out intentionally. Your sister called her bf over and she sat there waiting for you to do the same. When you didn’t, she prob assumed you didn’t want her in it. It may not be a big deal to you, but she felt lonely and excluded. That never feels good.
lamlrene says:
Uh...excuse me. Did you just completely dismiss your girlfriend's feelings? I think you did. She's telling you her feelings were hurt, that she felt left out. Put everything else aside and just focus on that for a moment.
She's hurt...and you yelled at her. You yelled at her instead of trying to understand where/when/how her feelings were hurt. Do you even like your girlfriend? YTA.
iraven_mccoy says:
Yeah YTA. You aren't considering the "sensitivity" of the family photo as an S.O.
I'd never want to "intrude" and want to be certain I'm at that level of acceptance with my BF and his family- I also wouldn't join unless I was invited to. There's that joke of - Stick the SO at the end so you can cut them out if you break up. Some families are very picky about who can be in one.
You really should've tried to see where she was coming from instead of shut her down and get petty with the whole "I'll call you whenever I want to take a pic with parents" - that was so unnecessary and wasn't the point at all.
andromache97 says:
"Oh sweetie, you're right, I'm sorry I didn't think to call you over to invite you to be in the photo. That was thoughtless of me. I'll keep it in mind for next time." YTA. I don't know why people can't just apologize when they hurt someone's feelings.
What do you think? Was OP right to tell his GF she should've just come into the picture if she wanted to be part of it?