"AITA for not coming back home after being kicked out?"
I have been the foundation for my first-generation immigrant family for as long as I can remember—cleaning the house, cooking, raising my younger siblings, dispersing fights, managing my parents' affairs, making doctor appointments, filing all of my family's taxes, you name it.
I took a trip with an old friend (which I funded 100%) to get away and clear my head for a week, and when I came back home, my mom kicked me out. She says I am becoming too "uncontrollable" because I made an "adult choice" and that I should know my place as a child.
I told her I am only a child when it's convenient for her, but otherwise, I've been an adult my whole life because of the roles she forced me into. She gave me two days to pack my belongings, knowing I was a full-time college student, had just quit my job at a horrible, short-staffed, low-paying work environment, and was waiting on a background check to clear for my new job at a bank.
The transmission on my car was messed up, and I had a straight $500 left in my savings. She was aware of all this and still pushed me out. Now, she won't stop calling my phone and leaving voicemails of her sobbing for me to come back.
As much as I miss the comfort of having a home (although I had to pay rent), I cannot bring myself to fully have that daughter-mother connection we used to have. Even despite the circumstances, I still loved my mother and her flaws, knowing my father had inflicted so much onto her, and in return, she had become not all there.
My question is, AITA for not returning home although it seems as if she really regrets her actions? I am torn. I still love her, but wonder why she always treated me so horribly growing up.
Here are the top comments:
rigbysgirl13 says:
100% Mom just figured out how much she needs OP. Absolutely nothing will change. If OP goes back, mom will sink her claws in deeper. OP needs to stay gone and live their own life. Perhaps in time, they can establish a healthier relationship with mom.
chewbaccasolo2020 says:
It sounds like she can't do all the work you used to do and wants you back for that reason. And to pay her rent. Live your own life. She fafo.
ItxWasxLikexBOEM says:
I would be sobbing too, if I kicked my free maid out in a fit of anger.
firefly232 says:
NTA. You say she's crying down the phone. Has she apologised at all, or does she just want her domestic slave back? She was very happy to evict you when it suited her.
OP's mom thought she had all the cards stacked in her favor. She didn't like the OP taking time off from cooking, cleaning and babysitting so she screamed at her, insulted her and threw her out on the streets with nowhere to go.
The plan all along was for the OP to come crawling back, having learned her place. Mom knows exactly how valuable the OP is to the operation of her household. She got a rude awakening when the OP didn't immediately come crawling back. Now she's freaking out and crying down the phone.
The sad truth is that this mother has slaved out her daughter for her entire life and is upset that she can't slave her out some more. OP please do not ever go back there for a long while. Make a clean break, go to college, work, live your own life for once. Let your mother deal with the problems she has made for herself.
NTA. Sometimes you have to enforce your boundaries and you have every right to do so. Sometimes parents need to learn this the hard way. I hope everything will turn into good but in dependence of your culture and the traditions in your family it could also be the beginning of the end.