'AITA for not sharing the profits of selling my home with my ex-wife because she cheated on me?'

"AITA for not giving my ex anything from sale of the apartment."

Emergency_Ant42 writes:

I, 36M, bought my apartment 15 years ago, in 2009, as it was my obsession to have my own home. That means I went to work after trade school and put away half of my monthly salary in a savings account.

This was only possible by still living with my parents and their support (the fact that they let me live at home rent-free) for those 2 years and commuting to work every day, which was a 1-hour train ride to the capital city.

I managed to collect enough for a 20% down payment for a home loan. It was a 2-bedroom apartment in the city that needed to be renovated in an old Soviet-style building (I live in Estonia). In 2009, prices were low, as the economic collapse was not long ago.

In the last 15 years, my girlfriend (now ex-wife) and I renovated the whole apartment room by room over the years. The apartment building itself got renovated and looks great. Also, a new business park was built near the apartment in our district, and all of it raised the prices of apartments so much that when I sold it, I got 5.5 times more for it than the purchase price. We also got married.

The story: Last summer, my ex suddenly had all the red flags: She started to carry her phone everywhere like it was a baby, she locked the screen every time I entered a room, she was distant, and the list goes on... I confronted her and at first, she claimed that "he is just a friend who understands me," the classic excuse. But, of course, it led straight to divorce, as I was suddenly "controlling and jealous."

After the whole drama ended, I decided to move back to my childhood town, as with the help of COVID-19 a few years ago, home office was suddenly a thing, and I never worked in the office anyway anymore. So there was no need to live in the city, and for the price of an apartment in the city, I got a house in the small town that has everything I need.

When she found out that I was selling the apartment, she sent me her account number and told me to pay 50% of what I got to that account. I told her no; she assumed she would get it because we were married. Later she demanded it because she helped me renovate it and did most of the cooking, etc.

I admit that is true; she is very good at changing wallpapers and painting, and she also cooks damn well. But I bought all the materials for renovating and all the furniture. I told her that she could consider all her efforts as rent, but she got really mad.

I have now lived in my new house for a week, and she still annoys me. Even some of our mutual friends agree with her that I am being an a%# for not giving her some money for that apartment. I achieved my dream of a loan-free life. I am considering blocking everyone who keeps annoying me about it.

I heard from a mutual friend that she even wanted to sue me, but the lawyer she talked to recommended not to, as in the situation where she has no bills to even prove she ever contributed anything, she would waste money and lose. AITA for not giving my ex anything?

OP responded to a few comments:

forgeris says:

Who cares about AH? It's all about legality, if she can sue you and get money then she will do it, if she has no ground then she won't sue you and you can keep your money. From your post she seems to have no legal rights so she can kick rocks and be quiet.

OP responded:

In my country inheritance at any time and stuff you bought before marriage is all personal assets not shared in marriage.

LonelyOwl68 says:

NTA. Your ex was married to you during the time you were doing the renovations, at least that's what I"m getting from your post.

When you got divorced, that was caused by her cheating on you, correct? And when the divorce came through, there was no settlement agreed upon between the two of you, or negotiated by your lawyers, or I assume you would have said so.

She did work with you on the renovations, and her labor might be worth something as well. When two people are married they usually do work together on projects, though. Unless she owned half the apartment, you owe your ex nothing from its sale. You bought it when it was run down and in a not-so-nice area, and sold it now for lots more; that's a very nice profit on a piece of property, but even her lawyer says she doesn't have a case.

OP responded:

There were no agreements, as in my country inheritance and stuff you own before marriage is private. Things you buy together are shared, so are loans and other obligations.

Yes, she contributed her time, but she did not even help me pay for utilities as she never had any money, so this is why I told her that living there rent-free should be enough as I covered both loan and bills and I did not demand it either as I loved her and after she cheated I didn't feel that I owned her anything.

And yes, as I understood from a mutual friend, even her lawyer told her that if she at least had proof that she covered bills or bought furniture she would have a case to get at least something, but she had nothing. I don't have a lawyer and luckily I never needed it.

NikkiDavvisXoSlave says:

NTA she's your ex-wife, depending on what country you're in I imagine there was a divorce agreement. If it's not in the divorce agreement she just feels entitled to it. You don't owe her a thing.

OP responded:

No agreement, as there was no shared assets. I owned apartment before I married and that makes it private.

What do you think?