'AITA for not giving my roommate her share of our security deposit because she didn't clean
"AITA for refusing to give my roommate her half of the deposit?"
shimmyslug writes:
I will try to make this as concise and unbiased as possible. I (31F) lived with my roommate, H (28F), in a two-bedroom apartment for 3 years. We became very close friends and rarely argued.
Our main issues regarded cleanliness. She is neat and tidies often. I had a bad habit of leaving things strewn about—jackets, pencils, socks. I struggled to keep on top of dishes and rarely cleaned her bathroom (though I had my own half bath, I still used her shower). I would take out the trash but not the milk cartons next to the trash, etc.
On the other hand, she had a cat that was not properly cared for, which led to the cat repeatedly getting worms and fleas. It vomited often. The litter box stank, was cleaned once a week, and the cat was never combed or bathed for years up until fleas were discovered.
This started a series of arguments when I pushed for her to vacuum, wash linens, and bathe the cat instead of just throwing on some Frontline Plus and calling it a day. I was paranoid about fleas hitchhiking when visiting my mom and her cats, so I vacuumed weekly and combed her cat daily since she was only willing to do it “when she had time.”
H had money issues and constantly used a lack of money as an excuse for not getting specialty shampoo or carpet cleaner (but was still able to buy a VR headset that same month).
After 4 months of this, I got aggressive about the pet care, removed all my linens from the apartment, and banned her cat from my room. This upset H into spitefully cleaning every nook and cranny daily.
Fast forward to moving day, H decided she would not clean and was willing to give up the deposit. There was a hole in the wall (my fault) and parts of the carpet were destroyed (cat), so she argued cleaning would not amount to a deposit return and was not worth the effort.
I kept bringing up the possibility of getting at least a portion back, to no avail, so I stopped pressing her about it. I decided to clean the whole apartment by myself. She left anything she did not want (kitchen utensils, used kitty litter, a couch, cleaning supplies, food), kept egging me to ditch my things for the landlord to deal with, saying “that is what the deposit is for,” and went silent when I finally told her I intended to clean to get the deposit back.
After 2 days of cleaning, the place was immaculate. The landlord gave me the full deposit. A week later, H asked me, “When are we getting the deposit back?” I snapped, and I told her I was keeping all of it, and she sobbed.
She believed that as the person who did more cleaning in the 3 years we were living together, she deserved her half of the deposit and that I was punishing her for “not helping one time.” A mutual friend said I should give H her half of the deposit because the friendship is more important than money. AITA for keeping it out of principle?
Here are some of the comments.
secondarytrash says:
I will say NTA to the deposit part, but ESH over all. I do think it’s bulls#^t that she decided to not clean/leave things so that it was either you did it, or it didn’t get done. We know that if you hadn’t done it all, you wouldn’t have gotten back the entire deposit that she seemed to give no sh%#s about.
Would I give her half for the sake of friendship though? Yes. Because ESH in the fact that both of you essentially had sh@!&y habits that led to the cleaning / issues within the home.
Number-2-Sis says:
YTA.... I mean you say you literally did minimum cleaning for three years but then when you left you spent two days cleaning and feel that means you get to keep the full refund? Don't you think three years of cleaning more the balances two days of cleaning?
NomadicusRex says:
ESH for several reasons. Cats aren't supposed to go outside to collect fleas. She did most of the cleaning through the years, which kept the place in better repair. Her attitude that "that's what the deposit is for" is horrible. It's literally the opposite, you are supposed to return the property to the landlord in the condition you received it, minus the usual wear and tear.
OP responded:
Fair judgment. The cat was a stray given to her after successful flea treatment. The cat never left the apartment. The households we frequented also did not have pets with fleas. The only explanation I could possibly think of for why her cat keeps getting worms and fleas is the terrible litter box upkeep. I agree with everything else you said.