'AITA for not going on a cruise because my SIL invited 2 couples we don't know?'
"AITA for not going on a cruise where my SIL invited 2 other couples we do not know."
Emotional_Brief_8606 writes:
My SIL and I were planning to go on a cruise together with our husbands. (Her husband is my brother.) We are all in our 40s. She booked their cruise, and I hadn’t booked ours yet because I was busy.
She thought I had already booked ours. While we were texting about the cruise, she told me that she invited two other couples to go and that they booked as well. We don’t know any of these people at all.
This isn’t the first time she has invited people we don’t know to things I thought were just going to be the four of us, like dinner out. Many times when other people are invited, my husband and I end up cast aside and feel like fifth wheels. We pay for our own dinner and have always been good sports about it.
My husband no longer wants to go, and frankly neither do I. If we had planned for other couples and invited some of our friends too, that would be one thing, but we hadn’t. Not once in our plans was inviting others mentioned.
Now we’re thrown in with people they have known for years but we don’t know at all. So we decided we don’t want to go on an expensive cruise, not to mention take time off work, with strangers. I told her we’ve decided not to go, but to have fun with her friends. It was a little hurtful, but we’re trying to be good sports and not cause a fuss.
She doesn’t understand why we don’t want to go and is upset with us. She doesn’t think it’s a big deal to invite others. My husband and I would never dream of bringing strangers, even to dinner, without first discussing it with the people we originally made plans with.
Now I wonder if I’m the AH for canceling. I suppose I could be the AH for trying to control who she invites, or maybe I just seem petty for saying if you invite others, my husband and I aren’t going.
Here are the comments from the post.
MiLowe35 says:
NTA - your SIL is selfish and rude. If she wanted to invite others, she should have "asked" both of you before inviting other people as the 4 of you had already made a plan. Stand by your decision to withdraw.
Explain next time the 4 of you make plans, if there are any changes, you want changes discussed in advanced so you and husband get to choose whether or not you are ok with it. That's what respectful adults do!
OP responded:
Yes, you're correct I should have placed parameters on the cruise. That is my oversite. Thanks for the validation. I have been so upset about the whole thing I hardly slept.
SlinkyMalinky20 says:
NTA. She unilaterally changed it from a family vacation to a “their friends” vacation. She shouldn’t be shocked that you guys no longer want to go - this isn’t at all what you agreed to or wanted. I’d not let her blame shift at all.
Randomflower90 says:
NTA but tell her you didn’t realize others would be going and you’re not comfortable with that.