'AITA for naming my child after my dad and not my FIL after promising him I would

My FIL is pissed that I didn't name my child after him.

Adept_Juggernaut_231 writes:

I (26F) recently had twins with my husband Harry (30M). I love my babies so much, but the labor was a nightmare. It was extremely traumatic for my husband and me, and we’ve agreed that we are definitely not having any more kids.

I was laboring for two days, and throughout the process, we kept our families updated. When they were finally able to visit, my parents and my in-laws came to see us. Everyone was fussing over the babies, and my poor husband, who only had about 4 hours of sleep for the whole two days, was napping.

My dad, however, sat by me first and just held my hand for a bit. When I told him to go get some cuddles in with the twins, he said ‘I’m here to see my baby,’ meaning me. It was honestly so sweet, and I started tearing up.

I didn’t even realize how invisible I felt when my husband was sleeping, and my dad was there to make sure I was also being taken care of. He took me down to the hospital cafe, and we had breakfast together while the babies were with everyone else.

I kept thinking about what my dad did for the next few days, and I decided that I would give my newborn son my father’s name as his middle name. My husband was totally onboard with this. However, this is where the problem began. We knew my FIL would be pretty upset at this.

He always wanted a grandson named after him, but it’s pretty clear now he won’t get one. He has two sons, my husband and his younger brother, and my BIL is gay and currently says he doesn’t want to adopt kids in the future. My FIL is also one of those people who cares about ‘bloodlines,’ so I don’t think he’d want an adopted grandson named after him (f&^#ed up, I know).

My husband has a complicated relationship with his father, so he wasn’t comfortable naming our son after him, but we agreed to give them the same initials so they’d both be AHD. He accepted this, but when he found out we were switching the middle name for my father, he lost his mind.

He said that this was something he always wanted and we were throwing it in his face by giving the baby my father’s name as his middle name. I tried to explain why, but he cut me off and said that it was absurd to expect someone to check on me when there were babies that had just been born, and my father shouldn’t be rewarded for ‘ignoring his grandchildren.’

I tried to explain that it was more than just the moment because my dad has been my best friend my whole life, but he didn’t want to hear it. MIL is saying we are AHs for doing this because my dad doesn’t care about any grandchildren being named after him, but FIL has always wanted it.

According to her, we are taking something away from him just because my dad chose to do something ‘unusual,’ which to them was ignoring the babies until he was satisfied with me being okay (he did not ignore the kids, he got plenty of cuddles in when we got back from breakfast). My dad is honored by our choice, but thinks we shouldn’t have done it because of what it means to FIL. AITA?

OP responded to some comments:

amijustinsane says:

NTA (Not the A^&*ole) and I have fallen slightly in love with your dad. What a touching moment for you to have shared and I’m sorry it’s being tainted by your FIL I’m glad your husband is supporting you.

OP responded:

Don’t let my mom see this, she used to box when she was younger! My husbands an angel, I don’t know what I'd do without him.

kittikatB says:

NTA. If your FIL wants a baby named after him so badly, he could have given his name to one of his own kids. Your baby, your choice. As long as you and your husband agree on the name, everyone else can mind their own business.

OP responded:

In our culture it’s not normal to name your child after yourself so it’s pretty common for most people to have a grandchild named after them instead. Just wanted to clarify because i should’ve put it in the post.

Tender233 says:

NTA, namesakes should be given based on the good and positive merits of the person in question. Your dad sounds like a sweetie pie and I love what he did for you. He sounds lovely. On the other hand, FIL should take his own advice! Why reward him with a namesake for his neurotic and sh%$&y behaviour? Congrats OP!

What do you think? Should OP have named her child after her FIL?