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'AITA for not saying thank you to husband for doing the bare minimum as a father?'

'AITA for not saying thank you to husband for doing the bare minimum as a father?'

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"AITA for not saying thank you?"

No-Use-6825 writes:

Basically, my husband (30M) thinks I (28F) am a jerk for not saying thank you for baby-related tasks. We have a 7-month-old, and we both work full time—a few days during the week remotely, and twice a week, the LO goes to daycare.

I’m up every day at 6:15 AM to pump, then I get the baby up and ready if he hasn’t woken up already, make sure he’s changed, has a bottle, has breakfast, is dressed, and is happy, while my husband is still asleep or just getting on his work computer.

I telework with LO on Mondays and Wednesdays (DH is there both days), but I don’t really get anything done, which is really frustrating because I’m still training in my job, and I get anxious trying to balance LO and work.

On Tuesdays, I’m out the door bringing LO to daycare by 7:30 while my husband is usually still in the shower. He usually asks me to let out the dogs because he’s running late. I pump during the day to feed LO, which also takes time out of my day.

I make dinner every day, and I almost always feed the baby dinner too. We play on the floor while my husband is on his phone on the couch, which is a little irritating because his baby is doing cute things.

Then I start bath time at 7:00, and my spouse will usually fill the baby tub for me. He’ll also warm a bottle for me. Then I put LO to bed, and we watch TV for a while. I unload and reload the dishwasher and try to start a load of bottles in the sterilizer.

If LO gets up in the middle of the night, he’ll warm a bottle, and I’ll change and feed LO and get him back to bed. I miss sleeping a bit longer on Saturdays. It’d be nice if I could go back to sleep after pumping in the morning on Saturdays, but my husband is usually still asleep.

All of this is to outline my mental load. But every time my husband does something like unload the dishwasher, put dishes in the dishwasher, or do the bottles, etc., he makes a giant stink: “Did you see I did the dishes? Did you see I did the bottles? Did you see I took out the trash? Are you gonna say thank you?”

Like, yes, of course, I noticed, but these are things I do all the time, and they are expected of you too. I don’t care if I get a thank you. Like the other day, I cleaned your work desk because it was horribly dusty, take your dirty dishes every day, and tidy the baby’s room, but I didn’t get a thank you.

I also don’t make a stink about not getting a thank you. Why is it necessary for me to thank you when I have a million other things on my mind? So I say, “Thanks for doing that,” but then he gets grumpy that my tone is hateful. I just don’t have the capacity to be all gushy and grateful that he did things that are expected. AITA for not thanking him? I just think it’s crazy to constantly say thank you for tasks like this.

Here are the top rated comments.

GreekAmericanDom says:

NTA. "Thank you" for not even doing everything he should be as a dad and partner?!?!?!?! It is time to have a come to Hera moment with your husband, because he is not pulling his weight. Have him read this web comic about the mental load.

Then have a conversation about what it means to be a partner. How you shouldn't have to manage him. How you definitely should not have to thank him, every time he does a basic task of running a house hold or parenting. Does he thank you? I didn't think so. If things don't change, ask him to join you for couples counseling.

Riyokosan says:

NTA. Do the same to him. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. And remind him to tell you thank you as well for doing 90% of the tasts every day.

Decent-Historian-207 says:

NTA. But why isn’t the baby at daycare all week? You are never going to do well at work while caring for a child even remotely. Your husband is an a%@&ole.

Firstfig61 says:

NTA. “I will start thanking you for emptying the dishwasher when you start bringing me flowers for pumping.”

What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
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