'AITA for 'fat shaming' after my overweight friend commented on my skinny body?'

My overweight friend always comments on my food intake and I've had enough.

Longjumping_Shine664 writes:

A few years back, 7 of my friends from high school and I decided that no matter where we lived or how busy we were, we were going to meet each other for brunch once a year for the rest of our lives.

We don’t have an exact date, but we usually pick a week in June or July when it is warm, and fly/drive to our hometown for bottomless brunch at our favorite spot. Keep in mind that for some of us, this is the only time of the year that we see each other. I, in particular, live 2500 miles away, so I hardly see any of these girls.

Regardless, it is always a good time, until recently when one of my friends “Rue” would not stop commenting on my food intake. For some background, I am and always have been a very active person. I ran track and cross country for our college and I now compete in ultramarathons. For this reason, I eat a lot of calories, and I stay pretty thin.

I also eat reasonably healthy, balanced meals most of the time. However, for the one day a year at our favorite restaurant, NOTHING is off limits. I eat plate after heaping plate of cheesy eggs, pancakes, hash browns, sausage, bacon–literally I could eat the entire menu. Rue has always been on the heavier side.

While I don’t really pay attention to someone’s weight changes or eating habits, Rue points it out, so I can’t help but notice. “Every year I eat nothing but oatmeal and I keep getting bigger and bigger, and [OP] is over there gorging herself and is stick thin!” “It’s like every calorie [OP] eats shows up on MY body!”

Soon my friends started to chime in, saying that I was lucky I have such good genetics and can eat whatever I want. This really bothered me in part because it completely invalidated the work I do to maintain my healthy body, but also because I could tell Rue was frustrated with her weight, and I felt my friends were doing more harm than good.

I explained that I do not normally eat like this, and I also exercise very frequently, and that people shouldn’t look at a snapshot of someone’s life and think that’s how they live on the daily. I also said eating salads for every meal and never enjoying a meal out with friends is just going to make her more frustrated, which will slow her progress.

I thought this was going to be helpful advice, but my friends all looked at me livid. One of them called me incredibly privileged and said I wasn’t aware of my privilege, and accused me of shaming Rue. The rest of them followed suit and told me to get off my high horse. Eventually, I’d had enough.

I said I was just trying to help and that they’re only going to hurt Rue (Rue was silent the whole time. I packed up my things, paid my bill, and left. Now I’m feeling torn because it’s been a few days and none of these people will talk to me.

I reached out to the person in the group I was closest with and she said I really overstepped and should apologize to the group and at least to Rue. I had good intentions, but if these people won’t talk to me, maybe I screwed up. Did I?

Here are the top comments:

DeepFudge9235 says:

NTA you absolutely did not screw up and didn't say anything wrong. They brought up the weight and calorie intake.

They incorrectly assumed genetics and not all the effort you put into you daily activity to train like you do. Could genetics help? Sure. But you wouldn't be where you are on genetics alone. It takes a lot of work, especially for marathons. My old boss did iron man all the time and it was insane what he had to do to keep it up.

If your friends don't want to talk about weight don't bring it up and make assumptions. Giving tips to avoid failure is not privilege. Also the double standard being held against you isn't right. Rue gets to say anything she wants because she's overweight but because you are fit you have to endure what she says without saying anything back? That's not fair and shouldn't be tolerated. Good luck on your next event!

Full_Description_ says:

NTA, but you will never win with these people. I am like you, I have always been active, I take stairs, I walk, I roller-blade, I bike, I get up and do stuff all the time and I am in great shape for being 46 years old.

People constantly talk about my good genetics. Not the fact that I grew up getting around on a bicycle and never stopped. I never sat home as a teen because I didn't have a car or a ride, if I had wheels, I rode them, if I didn't have wheels, I walked.

Steven Wright says "Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time", while he was lightly joking, I took it seriously. I often had to leave 1-2 hours before a friend would be home, just to meet them on time.

So no, it is not genetics aside from diagnosed illnesses and disabilities. It pretty much comes down to being someone who will get up and do something instead of sitting around dreading it or just putting it off. Before anyone starts I have been diagnosed with ADHD, ASD & Dyslexia.

WandersongWright says:

ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). Your friends shouldn't comment on what you're eating, period. You didn't bring it up, they've got no rights to comment. They should keep their insecurities to themselves.

However, it sounds like ALL of your friends were commenting, even if Rue was the one who started talking first. So it probably would have been better to just shut them all down, not make the interaction about giving advice to/"fixing" Rue's habits.

Although she was rude first, it didn't improve anything that you also commented about her body and habits uninvited. You also put focus on Rue when -all- of your friends were behaving inappropriately, so you weren't really getting to the heart of/resolving the issue, you were just piling onto it. In general, y'all should just stop commenting on each other's bodies or healthy habits unless one of you ASKS for advice.