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'AITA for not telling my ex-wife about reversing my vasectomy? It's my body!'

'AITA for not telling my ex-wife about reversing my vasectomy? It's my body!'


"AITA for not telling my wife I reversed my vasectomy."

mybodyaita says:

My ex-wife, Jen (38F), and I (42M) were married for 8 years before divorcing during the pandemic 4 years ago. We have 2 kids together (13M & 10F) who we share custody of and co-parent well together. At her suggestion, I got a vasectomy after our daughter was born.

I got remarried about a year ago to my new wife, Cari (34F). Cari does not have kids but has always wanted a family. After many discussions prior to our engagement, I agreed to reverse my vasectomy to try to start a family with Cari. I had the reversal procedure done just after our wedding.

Cari and I found out about a month ago that she is pregnant. She is currently about 15 weeks. We had not told anyone about the pregnancy until recently. I wanted to wait until I had an opportunity to tell my kids in person that they are going to have a younger sibling. Now that they are done with school, I had that chance this past weekend.

Both of my kids were very excited and happy to hear the news. They get along great with Cari and are excited to have a new baby brother or sister. After I told the kids, they wanted to call their mom and tell her about it too. I was a little apprehensive because I didn't know how Jen would react and tried to convince them to let me tell her first, but my son ended up telling her via text before that.

Jen sent me a text a few minutes later basically asking me WTF I was thinking. I texted her back saying that I would prefer not to have this conversation over text and asked if she was free for a chat. She said she wasn't and sent a flurry of texts asking me a bunch of questions. I again told her I would prefer to have this conversation in person or on the phone.

She finally called me later that night and was not happy. She told me that I should have told her I reversed my vasectomy so that she could talk to our kids about it. I told her that my body and my life with Cari is not her business and that neither of our kids even know I had a vasectomy, let alone know what a vasectomy is. I've never told them I had one, so why would I tell them I reversed it?

She told me that since this is going to have a huge impact on our kids' lives, I should have told her about it first. She said that it is her business when it will directly impact our kids. I told her that it is my body and that my health choices are of no concern to her anymore. The conversation started getting heated, and I ended the call before things got too far.

Jen has since calmed down and did send a text congratulating me and Cari. But she still maintains that I should have notified her of my decision to reverse my vasectomy before things got to a point where Cari is pregnant. She thinks that she had a right to know since it will impact our kids.

I think she has no right to any information regarding what I decide to do with my body unless it is life-threatening. My marriage and life with Cari is not information that my ex-wife has any right to.

Here are the top comments:

Little-Extreme-4027 says:

NTA. My dad got a vasectomy when my parents were married then got it reversed (and later re-done) when he and my step mom had my brother. I was like 17 when he got the reversal. I CANNOT overstate how much I wish I hadn’t known about any of it.

Connect_Watercress73 says:

I agree with you- your body your business. Once the divorce was final she lost all right to lecture about your choices. As far as the kids go, you’re their dad and have as much say in their lives as she does. She doesn’t have to like it but it’s really none of her business. NTA.

Head_Photograph9572 says:

It's whatever. If Jen got pregnant, do you think she'd have told you first?!

FloofyDireWolf says:

NTA You didn’t know if your reversal would be a success or whether you and Cari would conceive. It wouldn’t have been appropriate for your ex to expect you to fill her in until now. I think she just got taken by surprise and reacted poorly. I’m glad she sent a congrats text later.

What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
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