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'I moved in six months ago and discovered the shady websites my GF's been visiting.' MAJOR UPDATE

'I moved in six months ago and discovered the shady websites my GF's been visiting.' MAJOR UPDATE


Moving in with a partner can expose you to a lot of new information about them, and sadly, it's not always good information.

In a popular post on the Relationships subreddit, a man shared his disgust and concern after searching his GF's browser history. He wrote:

"I've [24m] been with my gf [32F] 2 years. I moved in 6 months ago and am disgusted by a secret she's been keeping."

She is (was?) a fantastic woman and I am in love with her. We have always been able to work arguments out and have a fantastic time together. She loves me and we have talked about marriage sometime soon. About 6 months ago, we decided to give moving in a try and see if we would be compatible living together.

It was great until last weekend when I discovered something she has been keeping from me that is a deal breaker. She is a n*zi-sympathizer. We are both Caucasian but we both have a very diverse upbringing. She grew up without knowing her father and had a Hispanic step-father and has a half-sibling from that marriage. I grew up in Sacramento and have a lot of friends of all races.

Personally, I don't have a racist bone in my body. But clearly she does, she just doesn't know that I know. This is what I know and how I know it. She let me use her laptop last weekend because mine was being repaired. I needed to research something for work and either she wanted me to see this, or she forgot about it. She left for work and had left up a browser and it was on a weird blog full of r*cist rants.

I was trying not to jump to conclusions but my curiosity (snooping) got the best of me and I looked at her history and bookmarks. What I saw was mortifying and I felt physically ill. I've had a week to process this and I know I need to bring it up but I just don't know how. This very well could be the end of the relationship. Part me hopes that she is interested in what these kind of people think, but how likely is that?

It's wrong on so many levels and I don't see myself with someone like this. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and how did you handle it? Please help.

TL;DR: Moved in with my gf, found out she might be a n*zi-sympathizer and frequents r*cist websites. It's a deal breaker for me, but I feel I'm owed an explanation but am afraid maybe I am jumping to conclusions. Help?

People kept it real in the comments.

Teerlys wrote:

If she hasn't given you any indication prior to this in word or action then giving her the benefit of the doubt seems reasonable. I search for all sorts of weird shit (thanks Reddit) that might need an explanation if some one went snooping.

Ask her about it, but try not to be too accusatory when you do. Even if she does have those leanings in her mind, she obviously knows they're wrong if you haven't had a sign of them before now.

OP responded:

She has never indicated she has a r*cist bone in her body. I think that might be why I am concerned with bringing it up and just want to get an idea of how I should approach this. Thank you for the advice.

cicadaselectric wrote:

Honestly, sometimes I go on forums that disgust me. It's cathartic to get a good rage going. If someone saw my history, they'd be a bit put off. I think it really depends on her reaction when you talk to her, but I certainly wouldn't split while she's at work and go no contact without so much as a conversation.

OP responded:

I don't have enough evidence to just split like that. If she had a hidden room with n*zi related items and if was fact at that point, I might go no contact as I don't know how dangerous of a person she might be. But I just have bookmarks and browsing history, so I owe her a conversation, at the very least.

Obscurityknocks wrote:

Do you have proof she sympathizes with these groups or is she just browsing? I have gone through phases of intense research of groups I don't necessarily agree with, but I want to learn more about. For example, my brother is one of those doomsday prepper types who collects as many guns and as much ammo as possible, and is prepping for some Apocalypse.

I don't have cable tv, so I know nothing about these people and I want to learn about where he is coming from. Not that I want to become a doomsday prepper myself, I just want to understand his perspective. From my browser history, it might look to my husband that I'm getting ready to have a bomb shelter built in the back yard complete with a full on arsenal and a few years' worth of food.

OP responded:

All I have is her browsing history and bookmarks. I could snoop in her personal stuff but that just seems like a bad idea and would really hurt our relationship if she had a good reason to have this kind of history on her computer.

I think I'm just going to talk to her about it this weekend and see if this is something we can get around. Hell, I'd rather her be a s#$tty troll that is just on the sites trolling them. At least I can work with her on that, but r*cism has no room in my life.

Kingsmuse wrote:

Talk to her. I used to frequent those sites because I ran a race relations forum and spent a lot of time debating those idiots. You don't know for sure why she's using them. Talk to her.

A few days later, OP shared a major update.

I did what almost everyone suggested, and talked to her. I chose to speak with her about this on Saturday night, and this is how the conversation went to the best of my memory.

Me: Hey, do you remember how you let me use your computer the other day? You left some weird site up. What was that all about?

Her: What do you mean?

Me: Well it was on some blog with a lot of weird racist stuff.

Her: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Me: Okay, well what about all of the bookmarks and history? There is at least a month's worth of similar blogs.

Her: Why the f#$k were you snooping through my history?

Me: Well I think I have a right to know if I'm dating a r*cist.

She blew up on me at this point and yelled for a good 10 minutes about how I invaded her trust. Then the bombshell...she admitted to being a n*zi sympathizer.

She tried to justify it by saying she is being affected by all of the immigrants coming to the US and stealing jobs ans some other s#$t you would only think was funny watching it on South Park. I could have debated her about it, but I was just kind of taken back by it all and I don't know if it would have made a difference.

This intelligent person has let hate fill her heart. I thought I would give her one more chance to see if there would ever be a way to get passed this and I asked her if she would see a therapist and see where this hate stems from. Maybe then, we can help her recover from whatever brainwashing has happened to her.

She told me that her views were not a problem and nothing a "whack-job" (therapist) says will change her views. As I stated with everyone else here, this is a deal breaker for me and I'm sure 99.9% of you posters would agree (I hope). I explained I can't respect her views and I have no respect for how she's choosing to live and I can't be part of it. I left that night with my basics and I'm staying in a hotel.

I plan on getting my stuff out this week as I already have an apartment lined up. In the meantime, she is still trying to force her views on me and sending me links to the garbage she is spewing. As soon as I have all my stuff, I will go no contact and find a loving, good person to spend my life with (in time). I'm more angry right now than anything else. I feel sad, yes, but not as much as I would have thought.

Well there's that for an update. I doubt I'll update again as I am just going to cut this negative person out of my life completely. Thanks for the advice that I needed to talk to her. I just wish I would have been wrong, and you guys were right about her just interested in the view points of the asinine neo-n*zi culture crap.

TL;DR: I listened to Reddit, talked to her. turns out she is a r*cist and I moved. I'm going no contact as soon as possible and in the future, I'll find a positive person full of good feelings towards any diverse group.

The internet was very supportive of OP.

ed_lv wrote:

Good for you. It's a lot better you realized this now, than doing so after getting married and having kids with her. Although, I am surprised that none of her views ever came out during your 2 year relationship. In my experience, people like that have a really hard time keeping their extreme views hidden.

OP responded:

Yeah, part of me thinks that this is a recent thing and leaving the browser up was a way to let me know her views. If that's the case, I'm glad she did it. Now I know we aren't compatible and never will be.

[deleted] wrote:

Damn. She sounds like a brainwashed nightmare. Good for you for standing your ground. Like you said, no contact. Like, ever again. It's pretty disgusting that she's trying to justify her feelings and actions and trying to get you to see it her way. Ugh.

OP responded:

Yeah, she used all these weird examples of why "whites" need to stand together. It was like I was watching American History X. I could only listen to it for so long until I have to get out.

SlimShanny wrote:

If she thinks there's nothing wrong with her views, why is she hiding them from her BF? Totally nuts.

OP responded:

Good question. I'm sure there is a bigger issue here but she doesn't want help from a therapist so I am moving on.

Zorkeldschorken wrote:

We all have our deal breakers. This one is something I think most of us share.

I'm sorry it took two years for you to find out about this.

OP responded:

Better late than never. I'd hate to be stuck going through a divorce.

DasBeerHaus wrote:

I'm sorry you had to experience this. As a minority nothing gets me fuming more than a bigot and a racist. It really does suck because she deceived you about who she really was. I want to extend my sympathies to you and I hope that you find a woman that is loving and isn't full of vitriol and hate. You sound like a stand up guy and I wish you the best.

OP responded:

Thank you :)

applekins20 wrote:

I don't know if I'm a terrible person for saying this, but if I were OP I would tell as many people as bloody possible as to why I was breaking up with her. People who exist in the world with that much ignorance and hatred in their heart deserve a lancing from the public (and the public deserves to be protected from ppl like her).

OP did the right thing in the end.

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