'I do not want a service dog to participate in my wedding. AITA?'

"AITA? I do not want a service dog to participate in my wedding."

I'm (28F) am getting married in the spring. I've asked one of my best friends to be one of my bridesmaids. She has a service dog for PTSD. I respect her dog and glad she has it in her life. My fiance and I don't particularly care for dogs, and we've decided we don't want her service dog in our photos or in the ceremony.

When I asked her she got excited and immediately said her dog could wear something to match the rest of the bridesmaids. Thats when I explained that the dog could come to the wedding, but wouldn't be an active participant in the day.

We don't want it in photos or in the ceremony. It could go to photos, but not be in them. It'll be off to the side for the 10-15 minute ceremony. In preliminary discussions with our photographer we've brought this up.

She did not take it well. Called me an AH and ableist and it was not a constructive conversation after the ask. She hasn't accepted my offer to be a bridesmaid, but also hasn't declined formally. AITA?

The internet had plenty of thoughts about the situation.

hjo1210 wrote:

I'm probably going to get down voted to hell but - I have a service dog, I was also MOH in my Bff's wedding, my service dog was sat in the front row with her family during the ceremony and wasn't included in the formal pictures. It wasn't a constant thing, it was 15 minutes here and 5 minutes there.

I could still see my dog and she could see me, she still alerted just fine when I was feeling overwhelmed. It's not a huge ask to not have the dog be part of the ceremony. Keep the dog in the front row and off to the side during formal picks. Bride needs to decide if she's willing to take the chance that there will be a meltdown because her PTSD may be triggered, friend needs to decide the same.

JonesBlair555 wrote:

INFO…is this a trained service dog that performs a specific task related to her PTSD, or is it an emotional support dog? I ask, because making someone put their service dog in the corner, away from them, if they require the dog to be at their side, medically, is not ok.

However if the dog is an ESD, then this request is very reasonable and if she feels like she cannot be away from the dog for that small amount of time, she is probably not the right choice to be a bridesmaid.

Miragud wrote:

NTA, I have no idea what people here are going on about. The dog is invited to the wedding for f**k's sake. It’s okay to leave guests out of your pictures and not all guests get their moment to walk down the aisle. You are not denying your friend her dog, you are just asking her to stand 15-20 feet away for 20-30 minutes for a ceremony and step away periodically for pictures.

That is already very accommodating. If your friend isn’t comfortable participating in the manner you have invited her to participate, she could have a different role. It would be much less stressful to be a guest with her dog than to be in a wedding if she can’t be 20 feet away for half an hour.

mvmgems wrote:

So many commenters lack reading comprehension. You didn’t say that the service dog couldn’t be present to do its job, just that you didn’t want it to be an active participant in the ceremony or in the photos.

NTA.

theflippingbear wrote:

NTA, you said you're okay with your friend having the dog at the wedding, just did not want the dog to be an active participant in the wedding ceremony and photos. I feel like everyone voting yta, did not read the post fully and assumed the bride does not want the bridesmaid to bring the dog AT ALL. And that is clearly not true.

The bride says the dog at the wedding, to the side is fine. But to be an active participant in the wedding ceremony and the photos is not. The bride doesn't want the dog on the photo, so why does she need to have photos with the dog to placate her friend? It's not her friend's wedding and it's not the friend who is paying for the photos either.

Theroadkillrapunzel wrote:

NTA, you’re not even forcing her to leave the dog behind! You said no dog in the pictures or “on stage” during the ceremony! That is in no way ableist or disrespectful.

Wow, I’m guessing she loves the attention she gets for bringing the dog everywhere and she’s mad she can’t make the day about herself.

isthatacorsage wrote:

NTA. You’re not preventing her service dog from going. You just don’t want it in pictures. It would be the same as not letting her date be in your pictures if they aren’t part of the wedding.

bird-eating-ramen wrote:

NTA. If she had a sign language interpreter would they be in the photos? If it is a fully registered and trained service dog someone should easily be able to bring the dog in and out of the picture taking zone between takes then. They can wait 5ft out of the frame.

visceralthrill wrote:

NTA and everyone saying otherwise is being ridiculous. I feel like they didn't read this at all. You're not telling her she can't have her service animal/medical equipment present. The dog just isn't walking down the aisle or being in photos. She can still dress the dog for a wedding to match her, she can still have the dog sit at her feet to perform duties as needed.

But the dog is not going to be part of the bridal party itself. And there's nothing effing wrong with that. And before anyone starts to flip out and white knight, until December of 2024, we had a service dog in our house for our kid. This isn't discrimination, she's not being denied her dog, the dog is just not a bridesmaid.