'AITA for donating my roommate's belongings? I warned her that this would happen!'
"AITA for donating my roommate’s family heirloom to goodwill?"
Temporary-Effect2898 writes:
My roommate (24F) has always had issues contributing to the household, including buying things like toilet paper, dish soap, laundry detergent, and so on. She also rarely does her dishes promptly, takes out the trash, or contributes to other chores, and she struggles to pay utilities on time.
Sometimes I even have to hound her for the rent. I felt bad at first because it was clear she wasn’t equipped to live alone, but I quickly got frustrated and started being short with her. We were friends initially, but not so much anymore after everything I’ve had to put up with.
Our year-long lease ended, and we’ve been living month to month since then. Eventually, she got a boyfriend. He lives with his parents, but that didn’t stop her from spending most of her time at their house. I started seeing her less and less.
A couple of days into May, I realized I hadn’t seen her in about two weeks. I texted and called her to see when she was going to pay her share of the rent (due on the 5th), but she basically ghosted me.
I got in touch with her mom, and eventually my roommate reached out to say she was staying with her boyfriend’s family “for now” and didn’t think she should have to pay rent for somewhere she wasn’t staying. I kindly asked if that meant she was moving out, but she didn’t respond.
I paid the rent myself, which was a huge and unexpected expense. After that, I decided I was done. I texted her throughout May and June asking her to move her stuff out, but she never replied. Her mom kept promising that her daughter would take care of it, but she never once followed up.
After July started, I recruited a couple of friends to help me pack up her room. I donated most of her things to Goodwill and the Salvation Army. I also asked the landlord to change the locks, which he did.
The other evening she finally showed up and was mad that the locks had been changed. I told her she wasn’t living here and wasn’t paying rent, so she had no reason to enter the apartment. She got even more upset and said she was never officially moving out, she had just been staying with her boyfriend temporarily.
She said things didn’t work out and she had planned to come back. I told her she was already off the lease and this was now my rental. She started crying and said she had nowhere else to go, and I felt really bad.
She asked if she could at least get some of her things, saying she needed clean clothes and a shower. I explained that since she never told me she was coming back or made any plans to move her things, I had donated everything in her room unless it looked obviously precious or expensive. I stored the rest in her closet.
She completely freaked out and threatened to call the police. She was inconsolable and cried about how I even donated her dead grandmother’s wedding dress, which had been in a special box somewhere in her room. I apologized profusely because I genuinely felt bad, but I also believe all of this could have been avoided if she had just communicated with me. AITA?
OP added some important context:
I told her by July I would start getting rid of things if she didn’t make plans to do it herself. Where I live, a unit is considered abandoned once someone vacates and owes rent. The cost of the items being donated determines how long they need to be stored before disposal.
I asked her to make arrangements for her belongings starting in early May, which she ignored. I reiterated in June that I would be donating her things by July, which she also ignored. Her mother was aware the entire time and promised me her daughter would take care of it by June 30, which she didn’t.
People responded to OP's post.
Snackinpenguin says:
She can’t have it both ways in a month to month situation. Not live there so she doesn’t pay rent but then demand access to her stuff because she lives there without having paid rent/storage fees for those months? Sounds like she was playing house and keen to ignore your Debbie downer texts about her real life situation. But this started in May. This is on her. NTA.
Expert_Slip7543 says:
NTA. She literally and legally abandoned her belongings. You got rid of these things that she treated as if she didn't want to claim them. You are not a free storage facility for anyone. You did nothing wrong and have nothing for which to apologize or feel guilty or responsible. Hope this girl learns from her mistake.
goddessofspite says:
NTA. Had you done that within the first few weeks you would have been but over 2 months of no contact and not paying any bills yeah she doesn’t live there anymore and neither does her stuff. This is the lesson she needs to quit acting like a child and be an adult.
EdAddict says:
NTA. If she cared so much about her things, she would have acted like an adult and communicated with you. You are not a storage facility and that’s what she treated you as. It’s sad some of her things may have been heirlooms, but that’s on her, not you.