"AITA because I don't care about my friend's discomfort?"
I have this friend who has a history of attention seeking behavior. I'm going to call him Chris. Chris noticed yesterday that my girlfriend was wearing jeans that didn't actually fit (had to wear a belt to keep them up and roll up the cuffs) and a t-shirt that I frequently wear. Chris asked me if my girlfriend was wearing my clothes. I told him she was.
Chris asked me why she didn't just keep clothes at my place so we weren't advertising to people what we were doing last night. I said that she likes wearing my clothes, and I like that she wears them to. It's sort of our thing. He asked what I meant by "our thing" and if "thing" was a "intimate thing." I said "sometimes" is a light-hearted tone, but he was annoyed.
Chris said we have no right to be engaging in such behavior in public and that we didn't have the consent of all the bystanders. I said he was being ridiculous. It's jeans and a shirt. Oh, so scandalous. He said some people might be uncomfortable. I said there was no way. He said he was uncomfortable.
I said I thought we were past the point of telling women what to wear. He said this was completely different. I said I don't care that he's uncomfortable. People can wear what they want to wear, and he needs to get over it.
The main reason I think I'm an AH is that if anyone else said this to me I would want to hear them out and understand their position. I ignored Chris basically because he always has a complaint and I'm sick of it. Did I dismiss him unfairly? Was I being an AH?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
why tf are you friends with this person lol
NTA
Any_Efficiency3020 (OP)
We're in the same study group. We hang out collectively. But he really is very annoying.
NTA and Chris is an idiot. Literally nobody will see her and think 'ah yes she must have been getting down and dirty last night' from wearing baggy jeans and a tshirt, except that weirdo Chris.
Maybe ask Chris why that is the first thing his mind jumps to and why he's thinking about your personal life. He needs help bcuz this is not normal. Or maybe he likes you and doesn't want to see your gf wearing your clothes. Maybe it's a jealousy thing.
NTA. As adults we have the ability to not ask questions if we think we won’t like the answer. He was fishing for the answer you gave him, then he wants you to change for him. If you’re going to continue the relationship with him you need to be firm in telling him if he’s not gonna like the answer, he should stop asking the questions.
Any_Efficiency3020 (OP)
That is such a good point. He already knew it was my t-shirt. He knew the answer to his question and he knew it would make him unhappy, but he asked anyway. That's self sabotaging is what it is.
You are aware that Chris wants your gf, right? Why else would he care that she's "advertising" your personal life by wearing your jeans and t-shirt. Obviously you're supposed to keep that all to yourself so that no one knows you two are intimate(/s)
Frankly, I'm surprised he isn't offended by you holding hands or kissing if he's this offended by your sharing of clothes. NTA. Chris is weird and I'd give him a wide berth from now on.
NTA. I also think it's weird that he's spending that much time paying attention to what your girlfriend is wearing or speculating about it. Where does he think the idea of "boyfriend jeans" came from in fashion? Women borrow clothes from their man all the time, and not just because they smashed the night before.
Ask him why he's thinking about your intimate life. Wearing someones clothes does not mean they were being intimate the night before. She could have spilt something on her clothes or fell in the mud or unexpectedly slept over and didn't want to put dirty clothes on. Many different reasons. Chris is a creep. NTA.
NTA, It seems like HE is thinking about what you two are doing in private moments and maybe should find another hobby. That would make me more uncomfortable than anything else. I frequently wear my husband's clothes and almost a decade into our relationship it is kind of standard. We have similar tastes and I buy "us" clothes, him clothes, and me clothes. Your friend is a weirdoooo.
It sounds like your friend is uncomfortable because her wearing your clothes implies you guys were intimate the night before. If that's the case, I have to know why on earth does her wearing your clothes automatically mean you were smoochin last night? Your friend sounds nuts.
She can wear your clothes whenever she wants to, it doesn't mean that you were intimate the night before. Even if it did, you guys are adults and you can do whatever you want to. It's weird your friend is uncomfortable with the fact that you are sleeping with your girlfriend.
Was he implying that you finding your partner attractive in public was unfair to the bystanders? Like, he's upset that your girl was purposefully being provocative for you in a completely innocuous way, and that was somehow offensive to the public at large?
Any_Efficiency3020 (OP)
I guess. He said bystanders don't consent to be background actors in our fantasy, which, people don't consent to be in the background of anything, but all of us always are.
You’re not engaging in any weird behaviour in public and your girlfriend does not need anyone’s permission (let alone a bunch of random bystanders) to wear your clothes. This guys needs to mind his own business and you should probably stop being friends with him.