"AITA for having no sympathy for my stepsister that my dad cheated on her mom with mine?'
"AITA for telling my half sister I don't care that our dad cheated on her mom with mine?"
Lyssioix writes:
This is all one big mess and I don't know if I (17f) can keep it short, but I'll try. My parents were married and expecting me, and my mom thought everything was fine, until she found out my dad was cheating on her with a woman they both knew named Mandy.
He had gotten Mandy pregnant. My mom kicked him out and filed for divorce, but she had to wait until I was born for it to be finalized. Hannah (also 17f) was born four months after me.
Custody of me has been a mess my entire life. Sometimes my mom had primary custody, and other times they shared it. My parents were always fighting, and so were my mom and Mandy. My mom hated Mandy and told me what had happened between her and my dad from a young age.
Mandy hated my mom for exposing her as the other woman and for interfering with her job. She told Hannah everything and more. Both Mandy and my mom were arrested at one point for physically fighting each other.
I never liked Mandy. She tried to get me to like her for a little while, I think, but I was a difficult kid and I made it clear I didn’t forgive her for the affair. I told her she was gross, and I would compare her to my mom just to make her feel bad. Meanwhile, every time Hannah saw my mom, she would insult her or spit on the ground.
So it's probably not a surprise that Hannah and I never had a good relationship. Until five years ago, it was just the two of us, but then my dad and Mandy had twins through IVF. Even then, I never called Hannah my sister, half or otherwise, and I always said I was an only child. Hannah would get upset because my extended family spoiled me and spent time with me, while she only really had our dad's side, and they were never very involved.
I have never loved Hannah. I still don’t. I don’t care about her and I don’t feel any kind of sisterly bond or instinct to protect her. None of that. It makes things worse now that we share a room at my dad’s house because of the twins. Every time I’m there, we fight constantly. We also fight at school. She was suspended once for trying to attack me because I called her an affair baby.
We’re not kind to each other. Honestly, I don’t like anyone in my family, even my mom. I feel bad for her sometimes, but she also chose to focus on attacking my dad and Mandy instead of keeping me away from them when she had the chance.
My dad once told me I shouldn’t hate him or Mandy for things that happened before I was born. I told him he started all of this and he doesn’t get to pretend he's innocent. He admitted once that he regretted cheating on my mom and that he still loved her, saying he was young and stupid.
Then about six weeks ago, Mandy found out my dad had been cheating on her with my mom for the last five and a half years, starting when Mandy was pregnant with the twins. I had no idea. Apparently, whenever I was at a sleepover at my grandparents’ or my dad was “working late,” they were hooking up. He had also been with other women during that time.
He’s still living with Mandy. He wanted to get back together with my mom, but she said no. Mandy is losing it. Hannah is angry with me because, when Mandy told us and broke down crying, I said it must be awful to find out your husband cheated while you were pregnant, and added that at least he didn’t have an affair baby just months after you gave birth.
Hannah said I didn’t need to be such a heartless b&$#h. I told her I didn’t owe pity to her mom, who did the exact same thing. Hannah said her mom was humiliated and that my dad and mom were to blame.
I told her I didn’t care and that she shouldn’t expect sympathy from me. It turned into a huge fight, and Mandy kicked me out. I went to my mom’s, and then my grandparents stepped in and told my parents they were taking me to live with them.
My dad is fighting that. He’s dragged Hannah and the twins over to see me twice, trying to make me feel guilty about what I said to Hannah. He wants me to live with them again. Hannah said I was blaming the victim, and I told her I don’t see her mom as a victim at all. My grandparents told my dad to leave and not come back, but he still calls. Because he involved the court and the police, I’m scared to block him.
He keeps saying I should apologize to Hannah and try to be better. I don’t think he’s right. But it looks like Hannah is spiraling, and it’s clearly getting to her. I still don’t feel bad for her. Should I? And should I feel bad for what I said? AITA?
People responded to OP's post.
iknowsomethings2 says:
NTA for what you said as it’s the truth. However, both of your parents failed you. Your dad for cheating and your mum for not getting you away from all that toxic drama. She should have taken the high road and wanted nothing to do with your dad, instead she decided to lower herself by screaming matches and cheating with your dad.
Your dad is pathetic and has a weak character. Stay with your grandparents, if you are close to 18, go NC now, by the time it gets to court, you’ll already be 18. I would go LC with your mum as well, she’s acted no better.
chaoticnemesis says:
Your anger is justified, you’re still young and you shouldn’t have been put through all of this mess by the adults in your life. Your dad messed up big time and hurt so many people. Hannah doesn’t deserve this either, and she’s in a worse situation and she can’t even defend her mother.
I’m guessing that’s why she might be spiraling. She did nothing wrong here and can’t be blamed for what her idiotic parents did. If your dad can afford IVF to spawn more kids, he most certainly can afford therapy for the 2 of you!
RolandHasGas says:
You're 17, court won't do s^#t. Block him and stay with your grandparents.
DirectionWilling4592 says:
Wow. Talk about kids being completely failed by the adults in their life. Your dad failed you. Your mom failed you. Mandy failed you. Adults have their own baggage. They should never foist it off on their children.