'AITA for telling my sister 'I don't care' when she gets married?'
"AITA for telling my sister I don't care when she gets married?"
I (35 F) just celebrated my anniversary, and my sister (38 F) "Kayla" is still mad about a fight we had right before my wedding. I would love to know who's TA. Kayla was married at 23 and divorced at 30.
She got a new boyfriend pretty much immediately after the papers were finalized, and they've been together ever since. Kayla always said the divorce was so hard, she would never marry again, and her boyfriend seemed fine with that.
When my husband and I started talking about marriage, we told our families. Everyone gave their blessing, including my sister. I don't like surprises, so my husband revealed he was going to propose at my birthday party, which was near Valentine's Day. I told my 4 future bridesmaids, including my sister, in case they wanted to witness the proposal.
A week before my party, Kayla surprised the family by announcing her boyfriend had proposed Christmas Day. We thought it was a little odd for a couple reasons: 1) she was so vocally against a second marriage, 2) she bought her own ring. BUT, people change their minds all the time, and it doesn't matter who bought the ring if they're happy. We congratulated her and let it be.
The oddness continued after my husband proposed and we started planning our wedding. My sister HATED all our choices--from our theme (autumn) to invitations (gold and cream)--but especially my dress.
I didn't wear pure white because I got married in my 30s, and it felt silly to do the Blushing Virgin shtick at my big age. According to Kayla, this was mortifying and shameful. Which was weird, considering she was pregnant with my nephew/showing when she walked down the aisle, and no one said a word.
The real issue happened about a month before my wedding. Kayla called me out of nowhere and said, "Hey, would you care if I got married before you?" I said, "No, that's fine. You got engaged first, after all. Go for it." Then Kayla said, "But what if we got married really close to your wedding day? Would that bother you?"
I had a million people to call that day, including the caterers and the bakery, so I simply said, "Sis, I don't care when you get married. Go down to the courthouse an hour before the ceremony and get married on the exact same day if you like. Just be dressed and at the venue by 3 PM, and I'll be the happiest bride ever."
Kayla started screaming that it was SO RUDE of me to say I "don't care" about her wedding. I said that's not what I meant, but she hung up on me and told the family her version. I still get shit from our aunts for something I didn't mean. Now, it's a year later, and my sister is threatening to not invite me to her wedding--which still hasn't happened. AITA?
This is what people had to say to OP:
ArtsyGirl-and-Cat said:
NTA. Your sis is a HUGE drama queen. Ignore her histrionics.
Livid-Vegetable-4173 said:
NTA for what you said. But you both sound like you don’t like each other so just stop worrying about it. You both sound so extremely judgmental. Be done with it
slap-a-frap said:
NTA - and in all of her huffing and puffing about her marriage, where was her support for yours? Your sister seems a little spoiled, yeah? I mean, she called right in the middle of planning your wedding expecting you to just drop what you're doing and focus all eyes on her when, from what I gathered in your post, she wasn't even planning hers yet.
Just asking you questions. Like, had invitations for hers even gone out yet lol? It's unfortunate but I support your stance of "whatever is whatever. I got married too and am happy"
And browneyedredhead1968 said:
Nta. Next time she threatens to not invite you, just smile and say, "I don't care."
Your_Daddy_1972 said:
Info: I guess this one needs a bit more context to me. You had a bunch of people to call so you were undoubtedly stressed, is it possible at all that it may have come out different than you intended, tone wise? Is it possible that you didn't realize you were short with her unintentionally?
She's clearly trying to one up you, and Is an AH, but what I'm trying to figure out is if it's at all possible that this is a case of ESH
OP responded:
Good question. It's 100% possible I was short with her--in fact, I would feel comfortable saying I likely was. If that makes this an ESH situation, I'm ready to accept my judgment. I'll say one thing in my defense, though: the more I read this comment section, the more I'm convinced that my sister was going to find a reason to get angry no matter how I responded.