'AITA for not having a relationship with my dad because despite him really wanting one?'
"AITA for not having a relationship with my dad and his family because of how they talk about my mom?"
Josclownin writes:
My parents were married when my mom got pregnant with me (16M). She was still pregnant when she found out my dad was cheating with Lauren. After the affair was discovered, my dad and Lauren moved in together, and then Lauren got pregnant. My dad and Lauren tried to get custody of me and lost. They also called CPS on my mom, but they weren’t able to take me that way either. So it was always toxic.
They started sharing custody of me when I was 3. That changed last year when the court let me reduce it to 50-50. A few months ago, it was decided I could live with whichever parent I wanted, but I wasn’t allowed to block or mute either of them while I’m still under 18.
My dad and Lauren have six kids together. My half-brother is their oldest, and he’s less than a year younger than me. My dad and Lauren used to talk a lot of trash about my mom. I remember being really young and hearing them say she gave birth to me early and didn’t even breastfeed me to make up for it.
They said she hated my half-brother and wished he was dead. They often told me she put herself before me and didn’t care about my need to be with my family. They called her ugly, fat, and used all kinds of insults like that. They’d say things like she didn’t buy me nice gifts like they did, or she didn’t give me siblings like they had. Lauren even said my mom’s womb was rotted from being such a bad mother.
I was maybe five when my mom told me about the affair and why she didn’t get along with my dad and Lauren. She also told me they had tried to take me away from her. The reason she told me all this was because she was afraid they would turn me against her.
I asked my dad about it, and he didn’t deny it. It took years before he finally admitted he didn’t regret what he did. He said he would do it all over again, but this time he’d try harder to win.
By that point, I already resented everything, and the way they talked about my mom made it even worse. My mom only told me about the situation once, and she had a therapist help her do it. We didn’t talk about it again after that.
I hated being at my dad’s house and didn’t want to be close to him, Lauren, or their kids. I caused a lot of problems for them. It was chaotic over there too because my dad and Lauren broke up twice but kept living in the same house. During those times, there was a “his side” and a “her side,” and things were really tense.
Lauren would get mad when I wouldn’t visit her side during my dad’s parenting time. That almost made them break up for good, but they got back together both times. It just added to how weird everything was.
I got in a lot of trouble when I had to be there because I didn’t want anything to do with the kids and was rude to Lauren and my dad. I started calling them cheaters three years ago, which made them angry. They said I wasn’t even born when it happened, and I told them I didn’t care.
They cheated on my mom, tried to take me away from her, and talked trash about her when she was the victim. Lauren once said that if my mom was so great, my dad never would have wanted her. I told her it was because they were both disgusting.
My mom had me in therapy at different times throughout my childhood. It was a therapist who suggested that I calm down and talk to the judge about reducing contact, and who encouraged me to act mature about it. He told me that being mature and not disrespecting everyone, especially the kids, would help. He was right both times.
So now I live with my mom, and I don’t have anything to do with the others. I even transferred schools so I could go fully no contact with my dad’s other kids. I don’t care if they’re innocent too, I don’t want a relationship with them.
My dad still texts me often. I blocked Lauren and their kids, because I’m allowed to. My dad tells me when his kids want to see me, and he’s always saying that they miss me and I’m not being fair, and that I should at least have some kind of relationship with my half-siblings.
I’ve replied only twice to all his messages just to show I haven’t blocked or muted him. The first time, I said I didn’t care. The second time, I told him to f%^k off. Now he just keeps texting about the kids, and I know it’s meant to make me feel guilty, but it doesn’t. I don’t care. AITA?
Here are the comments from the post.
Fresh_Traffic_8186 says:
Your father and his wife have behaved very badly. There is absolutely no excuse for any adult to bad mouth a parent in front of a child. Your mum sounds awesome and she has obviously done really good job. The kids aren’t your responsibility and if they had have listened to you in the first place they would t be in this position. Yes, the kids are innocent but so are you.
boosquad says:
NTA - The petty b^$#h in me would have tried planting the seed of doubt in dad's head as to if the other kids were even his. "Why do I want to spend time with Lauren's kids? I can't say for sure they're my siblings. Once a cheater, always a cheater."
hedwigflysagain says:
NTA, every so often just reply "no" to your father's text. Don't give him any energy to fight back to. He will get tired of no real response after awhile and slowly back off. He can write walls of text to just get a simple "no". A some point it will become pointless to him.
Minniechild says:
NTA, and if you’d like an idea? Every time he texts you: “Thanks for your message. To show you how much I appreciate you taking the time to contact me, I have signed you up for scientology!” A few good ones: Jehovah’s Witness, Scientology, Amway, and any junk mail lists you can. Good luck, give him hell.