'AITA for putting my mom in an awkward position by telling her I don't like my stepsister?''
"AITA for putting my mom in an awkward position by telling her I don't like my stepsister?"
My mom got remarried when I (17m) was 12 and that was 3 years after my dad died. Her husband Jonathan has a daughter "Cassie" who's the same age as me. I met Cassie for the first time like 4 months before my mom and Jonathan got married.
Cassie and I got along okay when we first met but I never warmed up to her and I don't really like her. She always wants me to do stuff for her and when I do she's fine, though she never says thanks, but when I don't she gets mad.
She's short and I'm tall so she'll ask me to grab stuff that stored too high for her to reach. Or she'll ask me to move stuff around in her room when she decides to change the layout.
Other times it's her asking me to explain an assignment we both have for school or telling me I need to explain it to her friends or something. And like I say she gets mad when I say no.
It doesn't matter why I say no, like I'm doing something (my own assignment) but she has slammed doors, asked me why I'm so difficult in a frustrated way, she's tried to drag me and make me help her or her friends.
The other thing is she finds it morbid that I talk about my dad and have a photo of him in my room. She came into my room one time and told me I should put it away and we argued because I told her not to touch it and she got offended and asked why she was so bad that she couldn't even touch the photo.
But her attitude made me think she might try to hide it or worse. And she has told me before it's so freaking morbid to wish a dead guy happy birthday when I post stuff like that about dad.
Her mom was never in her life. She's alive but didn't want to be a mom and I get that we have different experiences and feelings because of that but it frustrates me that she's got her own experience and can't try to be understanding. Then she calls me her brother but she talks to me that way.
I mostly just accept that Cassie's there and a part of my mom's life now and that she cares about Cassie. But I don't. I don't love Cassie or like her or care about her and I don't call her my sister. I try not to be so obvious or a jerk about it and it's worked because I think Cassie thinks I care about her and my mom did but now I opened up to my mom.
Jonathan doesn't really like Cassie going to parties with just her friends so my mom has always asked me to go when she does so Jonathan feels better about it. I have resisted a few times and my mom encouraged me to do it even if it didn't sound like fun and I give in because I love my mom.
But Cassie wanted to go with her friends and one of her friends' parents to a cabin next month. Jonathan wasn't sure and Cassie said I could come to make her feel better. He liked the idea. Mom was on board. But I wasn't.
I asked mom if we could talk just us so she brought me for milkshakes and asked me what was up. And I told her I didn't want to go with Cassie and her friends and I told mom I already did stuff for Cassie but it was incredibly forced on my part and I didn't want to be away from all my friends with her and her friends for a week.
Mom said she thought we were close and I said I do my best to treat Cassie nicely but I don't actually like Cassie and I never have. Mom asked me what that meant and I described it more.
I said I accept her presence but never felt close to her and never bonded with her and that I never really felt like protecting her or like she was my family. We talked for like two hours and then my mom told me I put her in a really awkward position because Cassie clearly doesn't feel the same even if she's not always the best at showing it.
She told me Jonathan believed we were close too and he would not like hearing that I don't like or care about his daughter at all. And she said she's married to Jonathan and she loves Cassie which makes it awkward.
My mom talked to Jonathan and said she didn't think it was a good idea for me to go on the trip. They fought about that decision and my mom has been a bit off with me since.
Now I'm wondering if I should have just shut up and kept it to myself and let it become obvious once we both went to college and I didn't make an effort to maintain a relationship with Cassie. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA You were just being honest. You are under no obligation to babysit someone your own age AND her friends. It's telling that your mom never actually talked to you about upending your day to day life.
OP, IT IS YOUR MOTHER'S JOB TO BE IN THIS AWKWARD POSITION!!!!!!
💯. NTA. Don’t feel bad, OP. It’s your mom’s job to handle awkward situations and conversations like this and to do so with your best interests in mind. Your mom didn’t have to reveal your feelings - or lack thereof - about Cassie to her dad. She could simply have focused on your right and need to live your own life and spend your time with your friends or however you see fit.
And she shouldn’t have made it about her awkwardness, but your needs. Of course, tbh, she should have realized long ago that constantly imposing on you like this was burdensome.
You are not Cassies emotional support animal or bodyguard. Her disrespect for you and your late father is beyond intolerable and your mother making this about herself is idiotic.
Your mother chose Jonathan and Cassie for herself, not for you. She has turned a blind eye on her stepdaughter and her terrible behavior for 5 years and pretended to be oblivious to her tantrums and door slamming and constant invasion of your privacy. That's a HER problem.
You are a 17 year old HS senior with your own friends and life. Jonathan isn't your father, he is your mother's husband. You are accommodating, respectful and civil to both of them and that's all you need to be and do. You are not his Co Parent or babysitting service for his 17 year old daughter either. You need to focus on your life, school, grades, friends and path to college.
Hopefully your mother has saved the money from any life insurance your father had for your college and isn't using it to fund her life with her new husband and daughter along with any SS Survivor benefits she is collecting on your behalf. Focus on the road to college where you won't have to deal with Jonathan and his daughter.
You weren’t cruel, you were honest and respectful about your limits. Your mom’s just uncomfortable because now she can’t pretend everything’s fine.