'AITA for telling my wife she turned our daughter into an unrecognizable monster?'
"AITA for telling my wife I don't recognize the person she turned our daughter into?"
M4pleSyrup3935 writes:
I (45M) have a 16-year-old daughter, Stephanie. She used to be a nice kid. Not perfect, not an angel, just really funny, sharp, and kind. We would go for drives, talk about music, life, dumb stuff. She used to talk to me about thiI don'ngs with 100 percent trust in me whenever her mom or someone at school made her mad, and I would listen. Then, about a year ago, something shifted.
My wife Ava (43F) and Stephanie suddenly became inseparable. Ava has always had an obsession with becoming famous and "keeping up with trends." Every time she cooks something, she posts it on her blog. Whenever she is at an event, private or not, the internet has to know before anyone else.
She buys trendy clothes and does not wear them when the trend dies out. Obviously, I know that it is her life, and it was not a problem as she was not dragging any of us into it, until now.
The problem is my wife started pulling Stephanie into her world: the beauty appointments, designer clothes, “quick weight loss” diets, influencer junk. They were posting TikToks together, coordinating outfits, calling each other “besties.”
At first, I did not bat an eye. I actually thought it might be good to bond with her mom. Then Stephanie started lying. A lot. She snuck out, she got caught vaping in the school bathroom, and I caught her with expensive makeup that none of us bought for her.
She posted pictures of herself in outfits I would not even call clothes. I am not talking about crop tops and shorts, I mean mini skirts and short tops that barely cover anything. I brought it up — gently at first. My wife said, “She is just expressing herself.” Then, “You are being controlling.”
Three weeks ago, I found out Stephanie took her mom’s credit card without permission and put down a deposit on a three thousand two hundred dollar “dream prom dress.” A custom one from a designer in Los Angeles. She did not even tell us. I only found out because the charge hit our joint account. I was furious.
I sat Stephanie down and said this had to stop. That this was not who she was. She rolled her eyes and said, “You are just mad I am not your little girl anymore.” Then my wife Ava chimed in and said, “She is growing. Get over it. You are being dramatic.” I am not proud, but that is when I lost it.
I said, “What is dramatic is the fact that our underage daughter dresses like an adult, steals, and vapes. For God's sake, she is your child, not just a friend. You should take care of her as I tried until now, since you encouraged this behavior.” Stephanie burst into tears and stormed upstairs. My wife told me I was disgusting for slut-shaming our daughter and that I was jealous of their closeness.
I slept on the couch and I have not talked to Stephanie in days. My wife still thinks I overreacted and humiliated them both. I talked about it to some of my family and they agreed that Ava's obsession spreading to our daughter is not ideal. However, they also said that it is just a teen phase and I should let her go through it.
But I am scared. Not just angry, scared. I do not recognize my daughter. I understand she grew up, but I feel like she is being influenced by her mother and she is going down the wrong path. So, AITA?
Here are the top rated comments.
Pristine-Mastodon-37 says:
“No I’m mad that you’re a thief and a liar.” NTA.
apietenpol says:
NTA I raised a teenage daughter with my ex, who refused to actually discipline or parent. This will not get better until your wife pulls her head out of her a&#. There are so many red flags here. You may want to decide if you truly see a future with this woman.
tismgee1977
Your kids are NOT your friends. My kids can always tell me anything without judgement but I will advise them as a parent. It sounds like she is undermining your say in her life, and in front of her no less, which will get your daughter to treat you not as a parent.
Nah honey, your wife messed up. This "bestie for the restie" c&#p really kills me, and let me tell you, as a teacher and someone who worked in MS, HS and now college, kids definitely need more of your parenting style and not your wife's. NTA.
Hot_Introduction3567 says:
NTA. You're a concerned dad, not an a&#*ole. Your daughter is being influenced by your wife's unhealthy obsession with image and fame, and you're right to be worried. You didn’t shame her, you called out serious issues. That said, try to rebuild trust with your daughter by listening more, not just criticizing.