'AITA for asking my mom why she thinks I'd want to help feed her and her family?'
"AITA for asking my mom why I'd help feed her, her husband or their kids when I want nothing to do with them?"
Haydexton writes:
My mom lost custody of me (17m) when I was 7. She and my dad were divorced. She was flaky about stuff with me, like helping with homework or picking me up from school. Then she met her husband, who had a criminal record.
After they got married, she tried to deny Dad his custody time and would not let me go back to Dad until a judge ordered that I be put in Dad’s custody. Dad called the police, and they went to the house, tried to make Mom surrender custody, and they would not.
Because the police did not want any violence, they just logged every time she refused to give me over. Her husband was also arrested in front of me when she was refusing to let me see Dad. At the end of it all, it was decided I should stay in Dad’s custody.
Mom was given visitation briefly when I was 12, but that was cut short because she tried to make me leave with her and had to be removed from the place we used to meet at. Then, 18 months ago, she got visitation back again, and she is keeping it now. It started with three hours once a month, then turned into going to her house for a few hours, and then into an overnight.
It is still one overnight, but I stay from 6 p.m. to 4 p.m. the next day. And yes, this was agreed at my age with me not wanting to go. The judge ordered family therapy for me and her for several months too, but we are finished now.
I am counting down until my birthday when I can leave her behind and just never go back. When it is closer to my birthday, I will probably refuse to go because we will not make it to court in time.
So anyway, the point of my post: My mom and her husband need help feeding the kids they have together (four kids under 10), and they got food from this charity once a week, plus whatever they can buy, and sometimes whatever they can get from food banks.
Mom knows I have a part-time job and that I live well at Dad’s house, and she asked me to help them with food. She said I could buy stuff or share what I get at Dad’s or whatever, but they struggle and we are a family. I told her we are not, and they are not my problem.
She told me that their kids are not getting as much as they should, they take all the help they can get, and that they are my siblings whether I know them or not, and why do I not help them at least. I asked her why I would help any of them when I want nothing to do with them.
I said she should have been a better mom if she wanted me to care, and married a better guy if she wanted me to give a f^#k about him. My mom texted me after I went back to Dad’s, and she texts once a day now telling me to at least think of the kids and how we are still a family even if I am angry about stuff that happened.
By the way, I know the kids are innocent and that they are related to me, but I really do not feel any sibling connection or love. If Mom had never won visitation, I would have chosen not to ever meet them or have a relationship. AITA?
Here are some of the comments from OP's post.
Kyra_Heiker says:
You are a child and it is not your place to get a job and help support your mother's children. Have you reported this constant harassment to the court? Have you called CPS to report that she is unable to feed her children?
OP responded:
My dad's lawyer said it won't be looked at as harassment because she says other stuff in her texts. They'll just tell us she can talk to me when she wants now. I never reported her to CPS.
Zzzbeezzzzz74 says:
This is wild to me, your mom kidnapped you over and over again and faced no consequences. This system is so broken but I digress. You are not responsible for these children and you do not have to take this nonsense from her. Call CPS. Call your lawyer. Tell them what she is doing, she can’t feed her kids, she’s blackmailing you and harassing you. You are not the AH.
nononoshhshhshh says:
Definitely call CPS. These children need help and it can likely end your visits as well. Not your responsibility to feed them but as a human it is important to report to authority when someone needs help.