'AITA for not helping my family financially because of how they treated me as a kid?'
"AITA for not wanting anything to do with my parents and family?"
lostlethal writes:
I (27M) have decided to completely cut ties with my parents and siblings, and now my whole extended family is calling me heartless. I don’t think I am, but I need some outside opinions.
Growing up, my parents were… not great. They weren’t physically abusive, but emotionally? Absolutely. They had my older brother (30M) and younger sister (25F), and for some reason, I was always the scapegoat. My brother was the golden child—he could do no wrong. My sister was the baby, so she was spoiled.
And me? I was the one blamed for everything. If something went missing, it was my fault. If my siblings were in a bad mood, I must have done something. If I ever tried to stand up for myself, I was being “disrespectful” or “too sensitive.”
I never got the same support they did. When I turned 18, my parents pretty much shoved me out the door—no help with college, no advice about life, nothing. Meanwhile, my brother got his tuition fully paid for, and my sister still lives at home rent-free. The only reason I even made it on my own was that I worked my a#^ off at a cr%@py job and eventually built a life for myself.
Fast forward to now. I have a stable job, a decent apartment, and honestly, life has been so much better without them. I haven’t spoken to them in almost two years. Then, out of the blue, my mom reaches out—not to apologize, not to check in on me, but to ask for money. Turns out my dad lost a bunch of money in a bad business deal, and now they’re struggling. She hit me with the whole “We’re family, and family helps each other” speech.
I told her no. I don’t owe them anything after the way they treated me. She got angry, said I was being cruel, and that I needed to “let go of the past” and “be a good son.” Then my brother called, basically saying the same thing but with more insults thrown in.
He told me I was selfish and bitter and that I needed to “grow up.” My sister texted me, saying she “understands why I’m upset” but that I should still help because “they’re still our parents.”
I blocked them all. And now my aunts, uncles, and even some cousins are blowing up my phone, telling me I’m an a%#hole for abandoning my family in their time of need. Some of them even said I was being “vindictive” and “immature.” So, AITA for refusing to help and wanting nothing to do with them?
Here are the top rated comments.
allthingsaboutherr says:
You don’t owe anything to people who only see you as “family” when they need something protect your peace and keep moving forward.
SpotlessEternalMind says:
"Family helps family" but not when you were 18. On afterwards when you were struggling. Why do you even wonder if you're TA? Of course not, absolutely not. Did they reach out when you decided to go NC? Have they contacted you at all in between? It's been 9 years... If not, let the bygones be bygones. You owe them nothing. Stay strong my friend!
lilianagimenezx01 says:
Emotional abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse, and you were clearly treated as the scapegoat. It's not "holding a grudge"—it's recognizing that these people were never there for you. You’re thriving without them, and they only reached out when they wanted money. You made the right call by blocking them.
geekylace says:
Classic Do as I say not as I do. NTA and continue blocking any flying monkeys because at the end of the day you’re doing this to protect your peace and mental health.
What do you think?