'AITA for telling my husband that I don’t want his mom in the delivery room even though she was there for his ex?'
"AITA for telling my husband that I don’t want his mom in the delivery room even though she was there for his ex?"
I (28F) am pregnant with my first child. My husband (31M) has two kids from a previous marriage, and when his ex-wife delivered both kids, his mom was in the room. My husband has mentioned this multiple times in a way that felt… nostalgic? Like he talks about it as a “beautiful family moment.”
Cool. That’s their history. Doesn’t have to be mine.
Last week, my MIL asked if I was “doing anything special” for the birth and then laughed and said, “Don’t worry, you won’t feel shy with me in there, I’ve seen it all.”
I told her very politely that I actually only want my husband and the medical staff in the room. She got quiet. Then she said, “Oh… I just assumed I’d be there since it’s tradition for this family.”
Later that night, my husband confronted me and said I’d embarrassed her and that “family should be part of the moment.” I told him it’s my body and my medical procedure, not a family reunion. He doubled down and said I’m “punishing” them because I’m insecure about the fact that his mom was there for his ex.
That honestly made me cry. I told him it’s not about his ex, it’s about the fact that I don’t want anyone staring at my business except trained professionals. He said he “needs time to cool off” and went for a drive. He’s been cold with me ever since. So… AITA for telling him no?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Childbirth isn’t a spectator sport and his nostalgia for his ex’s birth experience has zero relevance to what you’re comfortable with. “Tradition” doesn’t apply to your uterus.
Tell your birth team your wishes early. They’ll keep out anyone unwanted
Your husband is a real peach, being so supportive and all that. /s
Geez, you have a husband problem. Let him sulk. It is your medical procedure. Unfortunately you had best brace yourself for a lot of overstepping from MIL and no support from husband. I think I would draw a line in the sand with him now. You are the person who should be upset, not him. NTA.
Tell him to back you up, or can be not there too.
Yeah he needs to get with the program. This isn’t his show, it’s OPs. What sort of man doesn’t back up the comfort of his wife going through the pain and suffering of giving birth over the entitlement of his mother.
Also why does his mother have to be there? She knows where children come from. She’s seen some births. Why would she want to impose if someone isn’t comfortable with her while in that vulnerable state, and why would she want to take away from such a special moment by her selfish imposition?
Who are these people? Animals? No manners or care. Just their own personal desires, over the comfort and needs of the woman who is going through the actual labor. Looks like there is a new family tradition. One where a woman gets to decide her comfort levels and set boundaries that are to be respected. I’d be so disappointed and disgusted.
NTA, but make sure you put your delivery wants in writing so that you don't get ambushed in the middle of a contraction.
I would tell him to get lost and have a trusted adult with you like your mum or sister or cousin or best friend. Someone that you know would have your interest 💯 for real. You should ask him if he wishes to have his mother watch him perform in the bedroom?! Or even better your mother since you know its tradition in this family!!
What a load of nonsense. She embarrassed herself. I went through something similar I lost it in the delivery room but that was 11 years ago it hurt me a lot I dont dwell on it as much. But the hurts still there. I hope he gets his balls back from his mum and actually listens to you his wife.
NTA at all and you are completely correct, your medical procedure, your rules. Make sure to tell the doctor and the nursing staff that it is only to be your husband in the room during your labor and delivery and no one else is to be allowed it, they will 100% listen to you and escort your MIL out if she tries to show up after already being told no.
As for your husband, if he cannot get on board and have your back 100% in your decision, then you should tell him that he doesn't have to be allowed in the room either and he can sit at his mother's house with her and wait for the call saying you have given birth. He is being a really terrible partner right now and you do not need all this added stress about something that, frankly, neither of them get a say in.
NTA. You have a husband problem. His mother being in the delivery room is tradition? This makes me wonder what else she considers tradition and sticks her nose into. I am thinking his ex got tired of the mama’s boy sticking up for his mama and not his wife. Update me.
NTA. Do not invite your husband in the room and get a lawyer. You just found out why he's divorced, I'm sure. He'll make everything suck and this is between you, a newborn, and medical staff.
NTA. You are your own person and can make your own choices about your birthing experience. I think you should have a follow up conversation with MIL. This doesn’t have to become a huge thing, but it totally could.
Could you compromise and have her there for some of the labor, but not the delivery? That’s what my mom did when I was giving birth to my first child. She came and held my hand for a while, but when it came time to push she was out. Perhaps your mom could also be there. Then they can sit together in the waiting room or go get coffee.
NTA I’m so sorry that your husband is immature and has sided with his entitled mother. Hopefully, he’ll decide to change his tune and quit punishing you for your choices about your body.