'AITA for telling my wife I don't want kids after my first wife's accident?' UPDATED
"AITA for not having surgery so that my wife and I can have kids?"
Resident-Effective14 writes:
I (39M) lost my wife and unborn son eight years ago. She was hit by a drunk driver while walking home from work. I was devastated and couldn't even get out of bed for a long time. After years of therapy, I'm better now. I had a vasectomy a year after my wife's passing because I never wanted to be a father.
I met Melissa (35F) two years ago through her sister, my coworker. On our first date, I told her everything, including the fact that I had a vasectomy and would never change my mind about not wanting to be a dad. She said she had no interest in becoming a mom either. We eloped six months ago.
Recently, Melissa's sister gave birth to twins. I'm happy for her and, of course, do my best to be a good uncle. However, since then, my wife has been nagging me, saying I'm being selfish and should get my vasectomy reversed so we can do IVF and have babies too.
I reminded her that I was clear from the start—I don't want to be a father. Now she's calling me a jerk, saying I made this "stupid" decision when I was grieving and that I should compromise by having just one child (she wants two, I want none). She says I got my late wife pregnant, so it's very selfish of me not to give her a baby. Am I an a^&*ole for not compromising?
OP provided an update:
Quick update: I’m out for a walk right now because we had a big argument, and I needed to cool down. I had a calm discussion with Melissa, where I reiterated that I’ve been upfront with her from the beginning. I decided to have a vasectomy because I never want to be a father.
This wasn’t an impulsive decision, and I will never change my mind. I shared with her that the first time I stepped into my son’s nursery after the accident, I had a complete breakdown. Everything was ready—she was two days past her due date. Everything was there except them.
To this day, I feel sick looking at a nursery. I told her that if she really wants to have a baby, I will leave peacefully. We can have an amicable divorce, and she can find someone who shares her dreams. She rolled her eyes and asked, "How long are you planning to use this trauma card? Why can’t you be a man and f%@^ing move on?"
I told her my mind was made up and that divorce is our only option. She became furious, said she would make my life miserable during the divorce process, called me an “infertile limp d%@k,” and said I was pathetic for not getting over “some dead b^#$h.” I left the house for a walk.
On her Instagram stories, she posted a picture of an annoyed Cillian Murphy with the caption: "When you want to be treated like a princess, but it’s 2024 and your man acts like a princess. Currently my life." I texted my coworker to see if I can book an appointment with his wife, who is a divorce lawyer. Thank you again for your kind help.
Here are the top comments:
LLayne123 says:
I’m so sorry that the person you trusted to be there for your unconditionally has completely shown that she is incapable of being a kind, supportive, respectful and loving partner.
I could say SO many things about this person (whom I hope will be your ex wife as soon as possible)….but I’m trying to be less negative this year. But your soon to be ex truly challenges me in being positive. Please get a really solid, skilled attorney. You owe yourself that. I wish you well.
aztex_tiger says:
Sorry you are going through this. Start saving every email and every text she sends you. Consider recording conversations as well. She threatened to make your life miserable in the divorce. Do not be under the illusion that she won’t try to lie in order to hurt you.
TheRealRedParadox says:
Get an attorney and ruin her f%#$ing life, I'm not a violent person but saying something like that to me would land me in jail. Jesus Christ.
MaryAnne0601 says:
Talk to the divorce lawyer and then please find a good therapist. I suspect that the only reason you wound up with your current wife was because you never fully dealt with your grief. Also to be honest you’re going to need someone to help you cope during the divorce from that heartless mess.
What do you think?