'AITA for getting upset that my BF tells his mother about our relationship?'
"AITA for how I reacted to my boyfriend telling his mom about my medical emergency?"
Upstairs-Ad5309 writes:
My boyfriend and I (both 23) have been together for a little over two years. We’ve known each other since preschool and stayed in touch even after I switched schools and moved countries in high school. He was always kind. We were nice friends, distant but warm. After he got out of an bad relationship a few years ago, we reconnected and started dating.
At first, everything was great. We came from totally different backgrounds, and it was exciting getting to know each other’s worlds. But things got complicated when he told his mother about our relationship.
I’ve known her since we were kids, but out of nowhere, she contacted his ex about us. That ex ended up threatening and harassing me online, and his mom made a scene about him not caring about her anymore. She still does that occasionally.
He sincerely apologized and said he didn’t expect that to happen. I nearly ended things, but I gave him another chance because I thought he’d learn. Unfortunately, it kept happening. His mom would get involved in our business, make inappropriate comments, and overstep boundaries. He would always apologize but never actually set limits. I eventually had to block her.
Currently, I live alone, but I’ve been staying with my dad temporarily while I recover from being sick. A few days ago, I became seriously ill with a high fever, vomiting, and blood in my urine, and had to go to the hospital. My boyfriend came with me since my dad is elderly, and I appreciated that.
While we were there, he texted his mom to let her know what was going on. I never asked him to do this, and I had specifically told him before to keep certain things private. But since he lives with her, I understand that he needed to say where he was. That part wasn’t the issue.
The problem is that his mom immediately reached out to my mom. I’ve been estranged from my mother for over a year due to deeply personal and traumatic reasons. I have made it very clear that I don’t want contact.
While I was in a hospital bed, weak and nauseous, my dad was flooded with texts and calls from her because of him. His mom told mine that I was “dying” and “not functioning properly.”
I was furious. I told him to leave. My dad asked him to stay until I was okay. After I was discharged, he took me home. On the way, he tried to talk, but I didn’t have the energy. I was sick, humiliated, and hurt.
The next night, he wanted to talk things out. He started by saying, “I don’t think it was fair how you reacted.” He said he felt disrespected that I got angry over something he believed was out of his control. He said I was full of anger and acting unfairly.
He also said that some of our friends agreed that he didn’t do anything wrong. He did apologize afterward, saying he could have handled his mom better, but he didn’t see how this situation could have been prevented.
I told him I just want boundaries with his mom. I don’t want him sharing personal information about me, especially knowing her history of stirring drama and crossing lines. But he doesn’t see the issue, and honestly, I don’t think he ever has. AITA for how I reacted? Was I wrong? Was this really out of his control?
People had thoughts about OP's post.
Fall_Relic says:
“I got angry over something “out of his control.” Oh, so he couldn’t control himself when he picked up the phone, called his mother, and gave her personal medical information about you after you specifically told him not to give her information about you.
Right. It’s not boundaries with his mom that you need to worry about. It’s boundaries with him. NTA. You’ve given him enough chances. At this point, it’s safe to say that this is how your life is going to be if you stay with him. Is that what you want for yourself?
Panaccolade says:
NTA. Nope. This guy does not respect you. He tells people your medical information after being told not to, then whines because you get angry? Throw him back. His mommy can have him.
mangoN-lime says:
NTA, but honestly, you need to learn quicker. This boyfriend is training you to get used to him and his mum breaching your boundaries. They aren't trying to learn to respect yours. Well done for trying, but he just doesn't have the ability to learn anything new. You now have to decide if this is the life you want or not. If not, then you need to move on. Good luck.
Alert-Tumbleweed-790 says:
NTA - the fact that he doesn't see what he did is even worse. Time to move on. He will never learn.