'AITA for not letting my aunt overrule my wedding planner to make my wedding about her?'
AITA for not wanting my little cousin to sing at my wedding?
Alarming-Virus-6740 writes:
Before I sound like a complete a-hole, let me provide some background. I love my little cousin to the moon and back, and I have always been supportive of her singing. Every year we attend her recitals, and I’m always there to cheer her on. I’m a singer myself but chose not to sing at my wedding because I didn’t feel it was the right time for that.
So, a week before my wedding (which is coming up in 4 days), my fiancé and I get a call from our wedding planner, who tells us that someone in the family reached out to her with a “surprise.” Our planner explained that she didn’t think this was an appropriate time for a surprise and wanted to inform us before it upset us on the big day. Thankfully, she was right, and I’m also not a fan of surprises for personal reasons.
Apparently, my aunt contacted our wedding planner asking if my little cousin could sing a song during the special dances. My fiancé and I have a very choreographed dance and a tight schedule because we hired a mariachi band to perform for only an hour during the special dances.
First, I would dance with my fiancé, then with my dad, and then my fiancé with his mom. We’ve been planning and coordinating this moment for an entire year with our DJ and the mariachi band, which, again, is only available for one hour. After our dances, the mariachis are supposed to serenade our guests during dinner—again, on a VERY tight schedule.
We even made a detailed itinerary for the day, which is why our planner initially tried to say no to my aunt, especially considering the moment she chose for my little cousin to sing. My aunt, however, wasn’t having it.
She didn’t want to understand and ended up arguing with both our planner and our DJ. This upset me because these vendors are responsible for making sure our day runs smoothly, and my family is now upsetting them just a week before the wedding—and behind my back!
Our planner even suggested that my cousin sing at a later time, not during the special dances or during the mariachi hour. Both the planner and DJ also mentioned that my aunt wants her to sing two songs: one in English and one with the mariachis in Spanish.
This would cause a long interruption during a time that’s supposed to be about us, and it would cut into the mariachi time. At that point, not even half the wedding guests would get serenaded during dinner as we had planned.
I should also mention that my little cousin is EXTREMELY shy, and I highly doubt this was her idea. Usually, we have to push her to perform in front of people because of her shyness. This makes it seem like it’s more about my aunt wanting to take away our special moment and put the spotlight on her daughter.
Why else would she refuse when the planner suggested a different time for her to sing? Why does it HAVE to be during our first dance and our dances with our parents? AITA?!?
Here are the top comments from readers.
psmythhammond says:
NTA, this request is extreme even if you didn't have it planned so precisely already. But given the level of detail, your Aunt is way out of line. Family can be very difficult during special events like this, but you (and your partner) are the center of focus here, not your Aunt and her shining star, there are plenty of other times you can have her preform for you. Maybe have her sing at a family event (breakfast/brunch/lunch?) the next day?
OP responded:
Actually it’s funny you mention that! Because my future mother in law is totally on our side and even asked why she couldn’t sing at my wedding shower? And why is my aunt refusing the later time that my wedding planner suggested? Thank you for the advice! I am feeling really guilty but at this same time is OUR day and that moment is very special for us.
me_larraa says:
You’re not the a%@#ole for not wanting your cousin to sing at your wedding. It’s your special day, and you’ve planned everything meticulously, including the timing for your dances and the mariachi performance. Your wedding planner’s advice shows that this could disrupt your carefully arranged schedule, and it’s understandable to want to protect that.
While it’s great that you support your cousin’s singing, it sounds like your aunt is trying to make this about her daughter rather than respecting your wishes. It’s perfectly reasonable to prioritize your vision for the day and communicate those boundaries.
KaetzenOrkester says:
It’s your wedding not a grade school talent show. NTA.