Man forbids GF from walking with ex at a wedding, says, "find a new plus one if you do!"

AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to walk down the aisle and spend extra time with her ex for her best friend's wedding?

Plenty_Hearing3606 says:

I (28M) have been dating "B" (24F) for almost a year now. Her college friend "K" is getting married this summer, and I'll be her plus one at the wedding. K just asked B to be the maid of honor.

The issue is that B’s ex-boyfriend is going to be the best man, and she gave me a heads up that they’ll be walking down the aisle together and will have to meet up at some point before the wedding to prepare a joint reception toast and plan the bachelor + bachelorette trip (requests from the bride and groom).

Obviously, I don’t want to tell her who she can and can’t hang out with, but I just don’t feel comfortable with B spending so much time with her ex, especially because they only broke up a few months before we started dating and have a lot of history together.

I asked her to see if she could make some changes to those plans because I would have the respect to do it for her if roles were reversed. It became a huge fight because she thinks I don’t trust her, even though that’s not true.

She also said that she doesn’t want to change any of those plans because K specifically asked her and her ex to be in charge of all of the bridal party together. I even suggested what if she just texted/Zoomed with her ex; I don’t see why they have to be in person and hanging out for the planning.

To this, she just said she can hang out with her ex; it’s “not that deep.” I don’t know if I even want to attend the wedding anymore as her plus one because it just feels like she’s picking her ex over our relationship. Since then, K has texted me saying I can’t tell B what to do (which I didn’t; I simply made a request) and that I’m ruining the wedding planning. AITA?

Here are some of the top comments:

Squiggles567 says:

Soft YTA (You're the A#^hole). You don’t trust her. If she is going to cheat with the ex, she is going to do it regardless of how much distance you try to create. And your signs of not trusting her could be one of the things that pushes her back towards him.

It’s not fun to be with someone untrusting and nagging, yet those are the qualities you’re choosing to exhibit as she spends unavoidable time with the ex.

You could instead be the man making googly eyes at how amazing she looks in her MOH dress, dropping her off to prep sessions, hearing her excitement about plans, being a sounding board for ideas, etc.

Her seeing an ex to carry out specific tasks is not disrespectful. We don’t own our partners and we shouldn’t expect themselves the cut themselves off from parts of life to make us comfortable.

The_Bad_Agent says:

NTA. To be honest, it sounds like the couple is trying to get them back together. It's suspicious AF. However I don't think there's enough to go on to assume she's going to do you dirty.

That couple on the other hand knows exactly what they're doing. Unless she gives you a reason to not trust her, trust her. But there's no way she isn't being set up by the couple.

ttnl35 says:

YTA. I don't get how people manage to say "I don't want my partner spending time with person X in case anything romantic happens" and "I trust my partner".

Those two things are mutually exclusive. If you trust your partner then you trust nothing will happen. "I trust my partner but not person X" doesn't work either, because if you trust your partner then you trust they would turn down any advances from person X.

It's also very manipulative to make it about her respecting you. She could just as easily say "if you respect me you won't act so possessive and controlling".

If you don't trust her yet just say that to her, don't try and manipulate her into thinking doing her duties as MoH are unreasonable. "They could use zoom", if you actually trusted her they wouldn't need to.

penandpage93 says:

So here's the thing: If you trust her, then there's no reason to worry about it. That's what trust is. Trusting her means not being afraid to send her off with other men, no matter what their history is.

Because that history has nothing to do with you or your relationship. She has chosen not to be with that guy and instead be with you. Trusting her means believing that she will not betray that choice.

But if you DON'T trust her, if you DON'T feel secure in your relationship, if you CAN'T believe she would never ever do anything with anyone else, if you think there's a CHANCE that she would leave you for her ex because they're forced to spend a little time together for a wedding... What are you doing with her in the first place? That sounds like the foundation of a healthy relationship to you?

It's simple. Either you trust her or you don't. I'm not saying you have to be exactly comfortable with it. It's an awkward situation, but remember - it's awkward for them, too.

But either you trust her, in which case there's no problem, and YTA for trying to make a big deal out of nothing. Or you don't trust her, and YTA for staying in a relationship with someone you don't believe in!

Also a big issue for me is that you said you feel like she's picking her ex over you. But she's not picking jack sh$t. She's in a wedding party - the bride and groom are picking everything, and everyone else is making the best of it.

It's like if they were coworkers, and you were bothered because their boss asked them both to stay late. They didn't choose it! They just have to grit their teeth and get through it. You are interfering in the plans of someone else's wedding. Butt out.

What do you think? Is OP wrong to want veto power over who his GF spends time with?