'AITA for refusing to let my deadbeat mom have a relationship with her grandchildren?'
"AITA for refusing to let my mother meet her grandchildren?"
Tiny_Situation_1642 writes:
I (32F) am the mother of two wonderful kids (6M and 4F). I’ve been happily married for 8 years, and my life is pretty stable now. But growing up, things were very different.
When I was 10, my mother walked out on us. My father (now 58) raised me alone. She left us for another man, and I didn’t hear from her again until I was in my mid-20s, when she messaged me out of the blue. I had just started my career at the time and didn’t feel emotionally ready to reconnect, so I ignored her messages.
Fast forward to a few months ago—she reached out again, but this time it wasn’t just a message—it was a full-blown letter explaining how she regrets her choices, how she’s "grown" as a person, and how she would love to meet her grandchildren. She apologized for abandoning me and said she wants to make up for lost time.
My immediate reaction was anger. For over 20 years, she never tried to be part of my life. My dad was my rock, and I built my life without her. But now, after all this time, she wants to come back and play the role of "grandmother"?
I’ve spoken to my husband about it, and while he supports my decision, he suggested that maybe I should give her a chance for the sake of the kids. I don’t know if I want her in their lives, though. She was never there for me, and I don’t trust that she’ll stick around. What if she abandons them the way she abandoned me?
I told her I wasn’t interested in meeting, and I wasn’t comfortable with her having any relationship with my children. She replied, saying I was being cruel and depriving my kids of knowing their grandmother, especially since she’s changed and regrets everything. She accused me of holding a grudge and punishing her for mistakes she made years ago.
Now I’m wondering if I’m overreacting. My dad says I owe her nothing, but part of me wonders if I’m being too harsh. She didn't care about me growing up, but if she really has changed, am I denying my kids a potential relationship with someone who might be good for them? So, AITAH for refusing to let her meet my kids and keeping her out of my life?
Here are the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
LordVigo1983 says:
Reply back she was cruel depriving you of a mom and we all have to live with our choices sometimes. You've built a life without her. NTA if you choose not too. Family isn't just blood ties it's how you treat one another.
mamad_123 says:
Exactly, NTA. She doesn't want to be in your life, she wants a new start with your kids, that's all. If she really cared about you and making amends, she would have offered that you to get to know here first, with the prospect of maybe meeting the kids down the road. She's just a jerk that birthed you, nothing more. Blood does not make you family.
VastConsideration126 says:
She didn't change though. She spun it around and made you the bad guy. A person who is sorry will do the work to show they are sorry. What they don't do is blame you for being apprehensive after the experience they gave you.
She can't do the hard work! She couldn't be a mother and now she wants to play grandma because that would be another no responsibility role. She has not changed, she just got older.
Tre779 says:
NTA. Emotionally immature parent playbook. I’d say maintain your boundaries and keep communicating with your husband. It’s hard for someone who wasn’t neglected to fully get it.