Someecards Logo
'AITA because I don’t want to attend my brother’s second wedding?' 'I’ve been extremely single.'

'AITA because I don’t want to attend my brother’s second wedding?' 'I’ve been extremely single.'


"AITA because I don’t want to attend my brother’s second wedding?"

I live on another continent, and my brother is getting married for the second time in the 10+ years I have lived away. The first wedding/marriage was 10 years ago. I flew home for that, spent lots of money of suits, gifts etc and even flew home for his bachelor party.

That marriage didn’t work out. They divorced a few years ago and in the period of time he met someone new that he’s now marrying. This wedding will be smaller, and I’d mentioned that my best friend of 20+ years who also lives in another country/continent who I get to see maybe once every two years, that my brother also knows very well and grew up with, will be in town the same week.

For context, I’ve been extremely single for many years now myself, and I spend a lot of money flying home every year for Christmases, thanksgiving, birthdays, family occasions etc while my family has come to visit me maybe three times.

I’ve started to get tired of spending so much money to fly home for all of these occasions while made to feel like because I’m single, childless, and don’t have your typical celebratory “milestones” in life that it’s taken a bit of a toll on my mental health. Things like weddings and nieces/nephews birthdays I come home for are just a constant reminder I’m still single.

Since my best friend would be home, I really wanted her to come to the wedding with me as my plus one because it would help me have a better time at the wedding and I’d feel like at least I have someone important there with me.

My brother refused. Said if I had a partner or “someone you were sharing a life with” it would be different and then of course I could have a plus one. This hurt my feelings so badly and I couldn’t believe of all the time and money I’ve spent to fly home for special occasions over the last decade, including his first wedding...

He wouldn’t accommodate this for me, and again my best friend is someone he also knows and likes and has spent other family occasions with us over the years. I basically said then if he can’t make this very small sacrifice for me then I didn’t even know if I was going to attend which upset him, but I’m just at a point in my life that I’m tired of having to be the one to make all the effort.

I know it’s his wedding and they’re keeping it smaller, but if it was in reverse I would absolutely allow my brothers best friend attend if I knew it was important to him.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Longjumping-Lab-1916 said:

NAH. You can ask and your brother can say no. And then you can choose not to attend. Have you ever said anything to your family about how you feel about all the time and money you've spent traveling home and that they rarely come to visit you?

You do have choices. You can choose not to go back for every occasion and event. Given it is affecting your mental health, I suggest you stop going back so often.

Do something different. Travel on your own and see areas closer to where you live. Don't spend all your time and money going back to see your family. But perhaps when you're having a milestone birthday yourself, you should let them know you're coming and that you'd like them to celebrate your occasion.

yamichou82 said:

NTA - your brother confirmed that the wedding can accommodate another person just not your friend. It's annoying when family members are so obsessed with whether or not you have a significant other. You should voice to the folks closest to you that they should come visit you.

The only taboo thing you're doing is RSVPing No after already being included in the wedding headcount, which is not a good look especially for a small wedding. I recommend that you still attend, & just leave a little early to go hang out with your friend.

That way you're not stuck being surrounded by couples for more than a few hours. Like right after the food is served & you've eaten, thank the hosts and head out. Begin to think about what you'll do for his 3rd wedding.

justalwayscurious said:

NTA - Honestly I WISH people would start bringing their long-time best friends rather than romantic partners. You're less likely to 'break up' and you're probably going to have more fun, not to mention if it's a friend from childhood they've probably already met some family and friends so they'll know more people making it easier to introduce them.

Honestly it's a lot asking people to come from afar and then to not give them a +1? And you explained to your brother why it's important to you, if he didn't have the space that would be one thing but at this point you're well within your rights not to attend.

JBW66 said:

Seriously? He refused because you wanted to bring a friend and not a “life partner?" The guy getting married a SECOND time is lecturing you about commitment? How many times has this AH visited you in 10 years? NTA.

saedgin said:

NTA. If your brother had said no plus ones and you were complaining I would have voted the other way but it was a no because it is not your significant other. Plus your plus one is not some stranger he has never met.

MagicCarpet5846 said:

NTA. You asked, he answered. Now it’s up to him to decide if punishing you for not having a girlfriend is worth not having his brother at his wedding. The ball is in his court. Leave it there.

If he makes further comments, just repeat, “you already said if I had someone worth it to you to bring as a plus one, you’d allow it, which means it’s not a logistical issue, it’s simply you deciding you don’t want to let me have someone there with me.

If you have decided that you’d rather me not be there at all than let my long time friend attend, that is a choice I will respect, but those are the only choices you have. I am not attending without a plus one. I wish you the very best wedding and hope you have a long and healthy marriage, but I will not be making another special trip where I am made to feel less than because I’ve not found my person yet.”

evenK648 said:

NTA, Respectfully decline the invitation. No need to put yourself in a position where you are uncomfortable and maybe from the sounds of it, a bit unwelcome.

Effective_Brief8295 said:

NTA. You asked he said no. So you don't go. It's okay not to go. It's okay to tell your family you're tired of making all the effort in your relationship with them.

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc

Featured Content