Man refuses to help friend's kid after being rejected; says, 'why would I help?' AITA?
"AITA for telling my friend I am not interested in being her son's father figure after she rejected me?"
Dry-Brain3321 writes:
I have this family friend, Lily. I had a crush on her when we were in our early 20s. I asked her out on a date, but she rejected me, saying that she only sees me as a friend. That hurt a lot.
It hurt even more when, two weeks after my proposal, she started dating some other guy (her ex-husband). But I decided to move on. I did date women, but I lost interest in them. I also lost touch with Lily.
After 8 years, we met again and reconnected. I decided to stay friends with her. She told me about her life. She had been divorced because her ex cheated on her and then abandoned her and her son. I was sympathetic towards her. I decided to shoot my shot again, but she told me she is not interested in dating now. She only wants to focus on her and her son.
That hurt a lot. Imagine being rejected by the same girl twice. But this time, I decided to be mature and maintain a friendship with her. Even if she decides to date another person, it wouldn't bother me. A few days ago, her son got into a fight with some kids.
They were making fun of him because his dad left. He had bruises, and according to Lily, he has been very moody. Then she asked me a question that somehow upset me. She asked me to talk to her son.
Yes, when we started bonding as friends, I also hung out with her son. She asked me since I am a man and probably went through bullying and absentee father issues, maybe I could give her son some insights on how to cope with it.
She said she understands her son's frustration that his father abandoned him and the family. Maybe having someone like me, who overcame that frustration and managed to deal with it, would help him.
I told her no. I do not want the responsibility of her child because I am not his father, and we are not even dating. So asking me to have this responsibility is out of the question. I could tell she was mad. Later that day, she texted me and said that she doesn't want me in her life. She wasn't asking me to provide any child support.
She wasn't asking me to take responsibility. She only asked for my help because she thought, as her friend, I would help her out, and her son liked me. I shared this with some of my friends. Some of them called her a gold digger because she is a single mom. Some of them told me I was rude. I should've just talked to her son. So, what is it?
Here are some of the top comments:
CandyRagdoll says:
You are not a friend you are an orbiter.
JackieTuffTuff says:
I don't think gold diggers reject the ones they pursue.
Haggis_Hunter81289 says:
YTA (You're the A%#hole). You say you liked her as a friend even if that's all that was on offer. You say that you got on with her and her son.
You have the balls to say that, and then make it out like she's asking you to be his dad, when all she asked is that you empathise and talk to her son, who you say you like, about it and see if you can help him move past it, both now and how to deal with it in the future? You're a complete a%@hole.
Your title of the post absolutely reeks of it, the fact you cannot bring yourself to be a decent person, to talk to her kid as a positive role model and friend, just shows that you were only ever in the friendship to see if her mind would change about you. Well, CONGRATULATIONS DIPS%#T, you sure did change her mind about you.
Urban_Prole says:
Women don't have a slot where you drop in "nice" and dating pops out.
Ms_PlapPlap says:
YTA man, such a NiceGuy™. You could’ve said “I don’t know that I have any advice to give” or “I’d feel more comfortable if you consulted a therapist” or a million other options but your answer was basically “No hookin up? No support!”
Also, gold diggers actually date the men they’re digging the gold from? How is her rejecting you (twice!) being a gold digger? Make it make sense!
What do you think? Was OP right to not help his friend because she wouldn't date him?