'AITA for not wanting to keep being the easy child in my family?'
"AITA for not wanting to keep being the "easy" child in my family?"
I’m 19 and the youngest in my family (closest is 24). My older siblings have always been very vocal about their needs, opinions, and what they will or won’t tolerate. Growing up that meant a LOT of arguments and long talks with my parents.
I was always the opposite. I got good grades, didn’t cause problems, did my best to give my parents an easy time, and learned pretty early that things went smoother if I just didn’t ask for much. My parents used to joke that I was “so easy” compared to my siblings.
Now that I’m older, I’m realizing how much that stuck. If plans change, I’m expected to adjust. If someone needs a favor, I’m the one asked first. If there’s tension, I’m told to let it go because I’m “more mature.”
Recently my parents planned a family trip during a week I had already said I couldn’t take off from work... I reminded them of this, and they said they assumed I’d figure it out because I always do (wtf??).
I said I couldn’t and that I wasn’t going. This turned into a long conversation about how disappointed they were and how it was supposed to be quality time together. No one asked why my schedule wasn’t considered in the first place.
Now I’m being treated like I suddenly changed, when it feels more like I just stopped automatically bending. AITA for feeling like I've always been pushover and suddenly wanting to change?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Covert-Wordsmith says:
"You know (parents), I'm disappointed too because I would have liked to go on the trip. But you scheduled the vacation on the only week I could not take off from work, which I told you multiple times during the planning stages." NTA.
silentjudge_ says:
NTA. Your adaptability got them to take you for granted. This comes with no rewards and bad quality of life. You did good by drawing a line.
OP responded:
This is the first time I've mentioned this to anyone besides family (who obviously think I'm in the wrong) so that's refreshing to hear...thank you!
Linachen says:
NTA - but strap in for a very exhausting time. You did change, and it is understandable it will take some time for them to adjust. Keep your boundaries, keep your communication clear and factual. Give them a chance to adjust, and see how it goes. You might have to sit down for a proper conversation with them as well.