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'AITA for not wanting to date a cop? He's threatening me with tickets if I don't.' UPDATED

'AITA for not wanting to date a cop? He's threatening me with tickets if I don't.' UPDATED


"AITA for not wanting to date a police officer?"

OP writes:

Two months ago, there was a domestic dispute in my building. I (25f) was coming home when I noticed two police officers waiting for the elevator. I would have waited for the next one, but we only have two elevators, and one was broken.

I rode up with the officers, and I was surprised to see that we all got off on the same floor—mine. Apparently, the disturbance was in the unit next to mine. I've only lived here for three months, so I don't know any of my neighbors. I didn't think too much of it at the time and went into my unit and closed the door.

About 30 minutes later, I heard a knock at my door. It was one of the police officers that I had ridden up with on the elevator. He asked me to open the door, but I was hesitant, so I asked if we could just talk through the closed door. He showed me his badge through the peephole to, I guess, make me feel safer, but that didn't help.

He told me that he needed to see my identification because I might be a witness to what occurred in the unit next to mine. I told him that I saw nothing, so I wouldn't be of much help. He told me that either I talk to him now or I have to go to the police station in the morning, which could take all day. I'm a student. I couldn't take off a whole day to talk about an incident, so I agreed.

He didn't come inside my place. We chatted at my door. He asked me for ID, so I gave him my driver's license. He wrote down my information (my number as well) and told me that he would be in contact.

Two days later, I spotted him at my building after coming home from class. He asked me how my neighbors were doing, and I said fine, and tried to get into my building. He stopped me and said that he thought he and I had chemistry the night we met and asked me out. I told him that I had a boyfriend (lie), and I sidestepped him into my building.

The next day, I got a call from my grandmother. She told me that a "nice police officer" came by and was asking very personal questions about me. The person she described sounded exactly like the police officer who asked me out. My license has my grandmother's address. I was living with her before, and I haven't had time to go and change it.

At this point, I was freaking out. I told her not to talk to him and not to answer the door if he comes back. Two weeks ago, I was walking home from class, and I jaywalked to get to my building. I heard someone calling my name, so I turned around, and it was the police officer again.

He told me that he could fine me for jaywalking because it's illegal, but he wouldn't if I went out with him. I told him again that I'm seeing someone, but he told me that my grandmother told him that I was single. I told him that it's a new relationship, so she wouldn't know.

He said that he would hold off on the jaywalking ticket, but not for long. It's been a few weeks since that confrontation, but I see him pretty often. I live in a safe neighborhood, but he seems to always be parked somewhere near my school or apartment building.

I'm on a student visa. I'm Canadian. I can't afford to have a ticket on my record, but I'm also very worried that this police officer will escalate this situation if I don't go out with him. I told one of my closest friends about this, and she told me that what this police officer was doing was romantic and that I'm an a%@#ole for not going out with him.

OP provided an update 4 days later:

Honestly, I didn't realize it had gotten so bad until I read my own post. I got a few horrible DMs after I posted a few days ago, so I hid out for a while. I didn't want to be too specific in my last post, but I realized that my vagueness made it harder for people to give me advice.

I'm located on the East Coast in a small college town with fewer than 50,000 people. There are less than 60 police officers. From social media accounts, I was able to find two other police officers (brother and cousin) who share the last name of the officer who has been begging me to date him.

I first interacted with the police officer in late March/early April, so this has been going on for a couple of months now. Some of you were concerned about my grandmother after the officer paid her a visit. She moved out in May, which is why I moved out. She lives in a seniors' home hours away from me now, so she's fine.

The campus is pretty much empty now that the spring semester finished in May. My friends are gone. The only reason I stayed for the summer was because I secured a student research position. I'm kicking myself now for staying, but there was no way I would pass up on this opportunity.

The morning after I wrote the post, the officer came knocking on my door. He kept singing my name while he knocked—really creepy. I didn't answer. He came back a few hours later. I'm ashamed to say that I hid in my apartment until Monday morning.

I was planning on calling the domestic abuse line in my area, which was a great suggestion some of you gave, but I think his visit frazzled me. He had never gone as far as to knock on my door again after that first night we met.

I walked to campus yesterday morning, and I was still really alert and scared. I ran into one of my professors from last semester, and she could see that I wasn't okay, so she took me to her office. It all came tumbling out after that. I told her everything about what had been happening. She was super sympathetic.

I told her the officer's name, and she didn't look surprised at all. According to her, he's done this before to multiple women. Some women have filed complaints, but nothing has happened because his dad is well-connected. The officer has a pattern of escalating once complaints are filed.

I told my professor that I was planning on seeking out the victim advocacy group, but she cautioned me against it. Apparently, when the spring semester ends, a lot of people take the summer off, and the offices are staffed with locals.

The sister of the officer who has been harassing me currently works at the one I was thinking of calling. She stayed with me while I called another advocacy group a bit farther out of town. She also connected me to a lawyer just in case (also out of town).

The professor got her son (23m) to walk with me to and from campus. I felt guilty about that, but he said he was glad to help. My professor told me that the officer targets women who live alone/seem to be alone all the time, which is definitely me this summer.

Here are the top comments:

Odd-Outcome450 says:

Get a ring camera for your door. They have kits so you can attach it without screws. Send the video to the local news if he keep it up.

queenlegolas says:

I don't like this update. I'm genuinely scared for OP.

Comfortable-Focus123 says:

NTA (Not the A%^@ole) - Even if he was not a cop, there are red flags all over this guy. the fact that he has access to your information is alarming. You may need some legal advice, and perhaps document his behavior with the local district attorney.

LysanderShooter says:

You should consider reporting to the state's police standards and practices commission (or whatever they call it in your state). Perhaps the FBI, as well.

Sensitive_Progress26 says:

I am a Town Manager and if a complaint like this came to me I would have the Chief’s butt in my office that day and I would demand that he conduct an investigation and provide me with a written report. But some managers are afraid of the cops.

What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
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