'AITA for not wanting to come home to do chores in a house I don't live in anymore?'
"AITA, My parents are demanding that I still do all of my chores, even though I no longer live at home?"
9Hyper_Fixations9 writes:
I (18F) am a college student who started living in the dorms. While I sometimes go home to do laundry, I am rarely there. In fact, I have not been home in three weeks. The main reason I live in the dorms is because I do not yet have my license.
I have an auditory delay that makes it hard for me to react to noise, and it is something I have struggled with my whole life. My parents and I do not always see eye to eye, and during my senior year we had a major argument. They told me, “Fine, you want to be an adult, you are living in the dorms, and let’s see how you feel when you don’t have us to clean up after you.”
They pay for my dorm, but most of my tuition is covered by scholarships. I have full coverage all the way through my doctorate. I had a plan to make it to class, but they insisted on paying for dorm living because they wanted to teach me a lesson.
When I first came home, I noticed that the internet was blocked on my devices while I was trying to take a test. This had only ever happened in the past if I did not do my chores or if we had gotten into an argument. When I asked them about it, they said it was because I had not done my chores.
These are my weekly chores: Clean the bathroom. Yard work (clear the backyard completely of leaves, sticks, rocks, they are very strict about this). Clean the downstairs cabinets. Dust every surface of the house, including fans. Clean the laundry room (mopping, dusting, sweeping, etc.) Empty the dishwasher and dish drainer. Clean the kitchen.
I have a younger brother who I used to share the bathroom with, and he still lives at home. He is also a freshman in college. Recently, we got into an argument about the chores. They are due every Friday by 7 p.m. I get home at around 2 or 5 p.m., and dinner is at 5:30 or 6 p.m. That means I have about one hour to finish three hours of work, since family dinners are mandatory and I will be punished if I do not eat with them.
I asked for an extension until 8:30 so I could realistically finish the chores, but they said this was part of their “expectation of support.” I truly have no issue helping around the house, but it hurts when I am constantly told things like, “I have to give up my dream of starting my own business because of you,” or “we have to love you, but we do not have to support you financially.”
They also say, “Your friends will not be there if we cut you off and threw you out. Only family will, only we will.” When I do not have time to finish both my chores and my schoolwork, I am blamed. I understand they need help, but it feels unfair to be blamed for all their problems just because I was born.
I got in trouble recently because I emptied the full dishwasher and went upstairs to do homework. They yelled at me for leaving some dishes for my brother. When my older brother was in a similar situation, they never forced him to do anything. Of course, he helped, but it was not tied to threats or shaming.
OP added some clarifications.
Here is a timeline of recent events: I go to school and then go home on Fridays. The last time was three weeks ago. Before that, I had been going home regularly to do laundry. Three weeks ago, my parents dropped me off early after a fight and told me they did not want to see my face.
I also have weekend assignments, so if I do not finish my chores, my internet connection is cut off for the entire weekend. If I sleep in and miss church, my internet is also cut off. This week, they expected me to come home.
On the phone, I asked if I could stay in the dorms instead because I had an in-person exam on Friday. They got upset because they had expected me home and said they had to change their plans since I would not be there to clean.
I should clarify that I am Hispanic, and “just saying no” is not usually an option in my family. As I said before, I do not mind helping with chores, but the way they talk to me and blame me for things makes it difficult. I know I am privileged to have parents who pay for me to live in the dorms, no matter their reasons. That fact is not lost on me.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
bythebrook88 says:
Find another way to do laundry, and don't go home. Tell them you are too busy finishing assignments.
International-Fee255 says:
NTA Ok your parents are emotionally manipulative. You would be better off not going home at all and making plans for how to pay for dorm living if they cut you off. It's beyond unreasonable to expect someone to do all of those chores in the timeframe the have given you, they are setting you up for failure and blaming you for it. This isn't a normal situation, most parents are supportive and encouraging.
Necessary-Air-9509 says:
NTA but your parents are. They are making completely unreasonable demands while you are trying to finish studies. I would suggest speaking to your university, they may have support for students in trouble.
nuttz0r says:
NTA, just stay in the dorms and go to a laundromat When they ask why you don't go home anymore tell them what you wrote here.