'AITA for not wanting to get back together with my wife after she asked for a divorce?'
"AITA for not getting back together with my ex-wife?'
AnotherAverageJake says:
Sorry for being a little long, but the backstory is important. My now ex-wife and I divorced roughly six months ago. Recently, she's been asking me, rather frequently, to move back in, to do couples therapy, and if we can start dating again. I keep refusing to do any of the above.
Now, to the reason we divorced and why I'm not interested in getting back together. Six years ago, she had her first affair; we had been married 2.5 years. I decided to do what I thought was the right thing and tried to save the marriage, going as far as accepting all the blame she placed on me for her actions. The following couple of years were rocky, but we managed to find some peace and mostly mend things.
Two years later, my father was diagnosed with cancer and eventually lost the battle. I spent the following months focusing on my marriage (I spent as much time with my father as I could) and supporting my mother emotionally.
Fast forward 6-8 months, and I noticed my wife started to withdraw, started acting differently, and started going out with "friends" a lot more than normal. I suspected she was cheating again, but I couldn't find actual proof.
Flash forward to last fall. She comes back from a weekend with friends and says she wants a divorce. I agreed because things never were the same after the first affair, and she had been acting distant again and doing the same "suspicious" actions as before.
Once we filed and the wheels were in motion, we had a lot of conversations about the previous years, and as suspected, she had been cheating off and on for the last three years.
This brings us to the present, where I now know most of the truth and refuse to be with a serial cheater. She keeps saying that's not who she is as a person, that I'm giving up on us/her, and that she regrets everything she's done in the past.
It's really messing with me mentally. I feel like an a$&*ole for putting myself first for once, and I feel like I'm being selfish. I guess I'm just really looking for some unbiased opinions. AITAH.
Here are the top comments:
Prestigious_Sir2856 says:
NTA (Not the A^@$ole). Not even close.
DesertSong-LaLa says:
She worked hard earning her Serial title. If this is not what she is 'as a person', then what is she? - NTA. Yes, put yourself first after being emotionally and mentally damaged in your marriage. You have beautiful life potential ahead. Make it a good one.
Remember when you made yourself small and insignificant?: "Going as far as accepting all the blame she placed on me for her actions." This did not make a difference so try something else like believing you matter. You have value. She made a career of feeding on you, "You don't." Reset this BS of feeling selfish. Best to you!
teresajs says:
NTA (Not the A$@^ole). She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. It's far more likely that she wants your financial support. It's expensive to be a single person living on your own. She could have a very strong financial incentive to try to get you back. If you don't have kids together, you don't need to ever talk to her again. Just block her. Go live your best life.
Acrobatic-Smile3893 says:
NTA. Her pattern of cheating shows she hasn't truly changed. She might just be seeking the comfort of familiarity or financial support. Move on your life.
What do you think?