'AITA for wanting to cut the cord and not allow my GF's mom to come on our Euro trip?'
"AITA for not wanting to go on trips with my GF and her mom?"
SubstantialNight6316 writes:
My (24M) GF (23F) has a somewhat toxic relationship with her mom. Her mom is divorced because her dad cheated on her, and since then—for what she has told me—(she divorced about 3–4 years ago, and we’ve been together for a year and a half), my GF has stepped up as a sort of husband.
She takes care of most household responsibilities, like paying the bills, buying furniture and appliances, driving her mom to work, and even picking her up. The issue is that my GF wants to bring her mom on our trips, and I’m afraid she wants to include her in our life as well.
We took our first trip last year (my first solo vacation ever), and her mom came with us. We were fighting the entire time, and we barely had any time for separate activities. We also argued a lot before the trip.
Her mom initially didn’t want us to sleep in the same room, and my GF sided with her because she didn’t want to cause trouble. I set a boundary and told her that I wouldn’t go on the trip unless we had our own room. It worked that time.
Now, I really want to take a trip to Europe. My GF was so excited, and we even started planning, but then she began saying things like, "My mom would like this" or "She wouldn’t like that country or those activities." I was appalled. I want to travel with my GF, not with my GF and her mom.
She has a married sister, and her sister and husband do take her mom on trips, but I really don’t want to. I want to build my life with my GF. We’ve talked about living together and starting a family, and we’re both excited about taking that next step (we have good jobs, don’t worry), but she keeps saying things like, "When my mom helps with our kids," and has even hinted at wanting her mom to live with us.
Honestly, I’m exhausted just thinking about this. Of course, I’ve talked to my GF about it. I’ve told her that I don’t want all of our trips to include her mom, that I don’t want her to live with us, and even that she acts more like a husband than a daughter. She agrees in the moment, but then, when we talk about trips or the future again, she still wants to include her mom. I just want to know—am I being a cosmic AHOLE, or am I in the right?
OP added context in the comments:
BisforBeard says:
Time for a new girlfriend!!
OP responded:
I do know that this is something I don’t want to deal forever, I think is time to set really strong boundaries
Square-Minimum-6042 says:
Don't marry a girl who is enmeshed with her mom. It will be the three of you until somebody dies.
OP responded:
Yeah, I have seen that in other couples… definitely don’t want to be one of them.