'AITA for not wanting my friend’s boyfriend to come to a burlesque show with us?'
"AITA for not wanting my friend’s boyfriend to come to a burlesque show with us?"
No-Umpire-1502 writes:
So, context: I (32F) had a pretty rough breakup about a week ago after ending a year-and-a-half relationship. My friends have been great, going out with me and keeping me distracted. A couple of days ago, I found out that there’s a burlesque show in town, and I thought, hey, that sounds fun and empowering and maybe slightly chaotic, which is the energy I need right now.
I mentioned it in our friend group chat to see if anyone wanted to come. One friend (35F) was in. Great! I bought two tickets for both of us. Fast forward to today: I sent her the ticket info, the cost, and asked if she wanted to grab dinner.
She said sure but asked if I could get an extra ticket for her boyfriend (36M) so he could come too. Apparently, it’s their anniversary weekend (which I didn’t know), and he didn’t want to drive home after spending the day together.
I like her boyfriend. He’s sweet. But I am one week out from a breakup, and the last thing I want to do is watch two people in love make kissy faces at each other while there’s literally a woman twirling tassels to “Feeling Good.”
So I said, “Hey, I was hoping this could just be a friend hang.” She then told me about the anniversary and that he wanted to stay at her place, which was totally understandable. She also said, “His face alone would be half the show.”
I replied, “Honestly, why don’t you hang out with your boyfriend this weekend? I’m more in the mood for a friend hangout right now, and I don’t really want to be around couples at the moment. I’m sorry.” She got upset, said I was being inconsiderate and excluding her, and that it wasn’t cool that I was “gatekeeping” the evening.
I get that it’s their anniversary and she wants to include him. But it’s my post-breakup weekend, and I just want some girl time, not to third-wheel an anniversary date at a burlesque show. It’s a total vibe shift. I would rather go by myself or with another friend. I’m happy for them to go be a couple, I just don’t really want to be around it. So, AITA for not wanting to hang out with a couple when I’m freshly single, or is she overreacting?
OP added a clarification.
To clarify, it’s their first anniversary. They’ll definitely be in adorable couple mode (as they should be). I’m just not in the mood to sit next to that right now. And yes, I realize there will be other couples at the burlesque show, but that’s different. I’m there to watch the stage and have a fun side conversation with a friend, not third-wheel an anniversary date.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Rackshaw_Bangem says:
I don’t think you’re wrong for not wanting to be a third wheel. But I don't care how close we are, I would not choose hanging out to distract you over being with my partner during our anniversary. Hopefully you guys can just see each other’s point of view and it doesn’t affect your relationship any further.
OP responded:
And that's totally point! Like, please go do anniversary stuff. I just don't really want to be around it right now.
StableFinancial6954 says:
You literally said it kindly and with boundaries. Your friend is just projecting. She can celebrate her anniversary another time.
OP responded:
I'm seriously not upset that she's doing things with her partner for her anniversary. I have other friends that I can take. It's more me not really understanding why it's bad that I said hey don't really want to hang with you and your partner on your anniversary, when I just had a bad breakup.