'Teen gets tricked to move to Kenya tells mom she'd rather die than live here. AITA?'
"AITA for telling my mom I’d rather die than live in Kenya until I’m 18?"
That-Cat- writes:
I (14F) used to live in Sweden, where I had a normal life—good grades, friends, and everything was fine. But after I graduated from 7th grade, my parents suddenly told me we were going on a vacation to Kenya.
I didn’t think much of it because I assumed it was just a trip, but we left that very same day, and I didn’t even get to say goodbye to my friends. I thought I’d be back soon, but it turns out I was being moved here permanently with no warning.
When we arrived, I was told we had come to learn more about my religion at Dugsi (an Islamic school where children memorize the Quran). I thought it was temporary, but I was expected to stay long-term, probably until I’m 18.
I never agreed to this, and it’s been a nightmare. Kenya itself isn’t the issue, but the area we live in is awful—exposed sewers, sand roads that turn into mud during the rainy season, and living conditions that make me feel suffocated.
School is also a huge challenge. Dugsi requires us to memorize one page of the Quran every day, five Hadiths (sayings of the Prophet Muhammad), and a page of Aqidah (the study of Islamic beliefs). On top of that, I have to keep up with normal school subjects. I’m expected to perform at a high level because I’m the valedictorian of my class (Y10), and it’s all becoming too much. I’m overwhelmed by stress and feel like I’m failing.
The teachers also misunderstand my period, thinking it only lasts 3–4 days. Since I’m Muslim, I can’t pray during my period, so I stay in the classroom, but they accuse me of faking it and call me a hypocrite. This adds to the pressure I’m already under.
The food here is mostly carbs—chapati and tea for every meal—and I’ve gained a lot of weight. It’s reached the point where I’ve developed bulimia, and I feel disgusted by my body. On top of that, I have Asperger’s, which makes everything more difficult because I get overwhelmed by noise, chaos, and pressure.
I’ve tried talking to my parents about how I feel. I suggested we move to Malaysia, a Muslim country with better living conditions and more stability, but my mom refuses. She wants to stay here because many Somalis live in Kenya, while my dad is in Sweden sending money. He’s disconnected from how things really are here. My mom is stuck here with us, and I feel trapped in a place that’s suffocating me.
I’ve been crying almost every day, feeling like I can’t breathe, and I finally told my mom that I’d rather die than live here until I’m 18. I know it was a harsh thing to say, but I feel desperate. AITA for saying that to my mom?
OP added more context in the comments:
MerlinBiggs says:
NTA. It was cruel to trick you into having this new life forced on you. Can you reach out to your father? Tell him you want to go back.
OP responded:
As much as I’d love to go back. That’s not an option since my father quite literally SOLD our home and moved in with a roommate in another town away from my old my school. Plus, I keep thinking of what my old classmates will ask me? “Where did you go?” “Why have you gained so much weight?”
Impossible-Most-366 says:
The change is understandably huge, and you should openly express to your mother how you feel. So NTA for that, if she cares she should know that you are suffering here. However, without knowing the reasons for moving back it’s hard to judge anything.
Is your mother from Kenya? Was she not allowed to stay in Sweden any longer? No matter the reasons, she should take your feelings into consideration and talk openly about solutions. You are old enough to understand many things.
OP responded:
Thank you for comment. My mother is Somali came to Sweden when she was my age so at 15 and I was born there.