'AITA for now wanting to marry my brother's widow? I just didn't want her to be homeless!'

AITA for not marrying my brother's widow?

Critical-Recover-185 writes:

I'm a 26-year-old man. My older brother, who was 34, died 2 years ago in a car accident. Back then, it was very difficult for all of us to get over this. My ex-sister-in-law was already 4 months pregnant with my nephew, and I tried my best to support her through all of it.

After my brother passed away, my sister-in-law couldn't work and manage to pay the rent alone, so I allowed her to move in with me because the apartment I live in has spare rooms and is quite big for one person.

Throughout her pregnancy, I helped her. I used to cook for myself since I had always lived on my own, so I cooked for her as well, took her to the doctor, and made sure she and my nephew were okay.

She's been living with me for the past 2 years. She's depressed. She started helping me around the house a long time ago, but she still is depressed and sometimes she wouldn't even get out of her room and would sleep with her kid. Many times, she would drink and cry. I comfort her, and she tells me how much she misses my brother and that we are both similar.

Anyway, this Sunday, her parents and mine came to my apartment, and I was shocked because they didn't tell me anything about their visit. I invited them in, and after a while, they started saying I should marry my ex-sister-in-law and adopt my nephew.

I was like, "NO, it isn't good for any of us to do this." They started saying how I am already taking responsibility for them, and it's better if I just marry her and adopt my nephew.

I was like, "What the hell?" I did it for my nephew and took care of my ex-sister-in-law as my brother would expect me to. Besides, I never saw her that way. I allowed her to live with me because I don't want my late brother's wife and my nephew to struggle in life.

My ex-sister-in-law and I have never shared an intimate moment, unless allowing her to cry on my shoulder or eating together counts as one. I said all of this out loud and told all of them it is stupid to even think about it.

A brother marrying his own brother's wife after he's gone just sounds bad. They said they just thought it would be better for me to get married to her and adopt my nephew as my own son because I am taking care of them like a husband and father would.

Then they asked my ex-sister-in-law if she was okay with it. She replied with, "I'm fine with it and wouldn't mind." I immediately cut them off and said I'll be like a father figure to my nephew, but it isn't what they think it is. I'll always help him and her or any of my family members, and I asked them to leave because I had enough.

Before leaving, they said it is not wrong to marry your brother's ex-wife or widow. They told me to think about it, that we already live together, and it's better if we make it official and get together. They said this happens a lot.

Ever since this incident happened, I'm staying as far away as I can from my sister-in-law. She tries to break the awkwardness by saying it was just a discussion, but I can't get over it. I have been thinking of kicking her out or maybe I should marry her, but I don't love her, and I'm 26 and she's 38.

Is this normal? I have never heard anything like this in my life. Should I marry her for our family? Or should I kick her out to not complicate the situation even more? Did allowing her to live with me come off as if I'm in love with her? I just wanted to help her because she's my older brother's wife and carrying his child.

Here are the top comments:

Better-Jacket-7629 says:

You're not wrong for not wanting to marry her. You're doing an amazing job supporting her and your nephew, but that doesn't mean you have to marry her. It's okay to set boundaries and make sure you're comfortable with the situation.

No_Addition_5543 says:

She is far too old for you. She’s 12 years older than you FFS! She needs to get a job and get out of your house. She’s fine with marrying you because you demonstrate a ticket to an easier life. Don’t you want to fall in love?

Travel? Go out and meet new people? Your sister in law had the opportunity for that and now she and her family and your family want to take away your opportunity to live your own life. This is utterly ludicrous!!

M0NSTAAA says:

NTA. Do you not want to live your own life ? Or do you want to live your brothers life?

ZookeepergameWise774 says:

NTA. But your family. They want you to do this, so that THEY don’t have to take any responsibility for her or their GRANDSON! The child is not yours. She is not your wife. Start stepping back from this situation.

One day, you may well meet the woman who is actually the one for you. What are you going to say? “Sorry, I know I love you, I know you’re perfect, but my mom wanted me to marry my brothers’ widow, so SHE doesn’t have to deal with her.” The parents are trying to dump this whole situation on you - don’t let them.

What do you think?