'AITA for not wanting to live with my mom after her terrible husband kicked me out?'
"AITA for telling my mom I don't want to move back in after her husband kicked me out?"
Lilizenzoll writes:
I (17f) was kicked out of my mom and her husband's house 8 months ago when I was still 16. Honestly, I went more willingly than my mom wanted, but I didn't want to stay after everything went down. My mom was upset and has insisted on us doing therapy ever since. Now she wants me to move back, but I don’t want to.
Things happened the way they did because my mom read my journal. She told me she was concerned about certain behaviors or lack of behaviors and wanted to see what I was actually feeling because she didn’t think I’d be honest if she asked me directly.
Her biggest worry was how distant I was with my half-sister, who was 3 at the time but has since turned 4. She said I usually adore kids and she thought I would be an affectionate big sister to her, but she felt like I only showed her basic kindness, not actual family closeness. She compared it to my relationship with my brother (20m).
She told me it hurt her to see me write that I didn’t love my half-sister and that I only treated her kindly because I didn’t want to be a jerk. She said she didn’t understand that and didn’t like me feeling that way.
My mom was practically begging me to tell her that I didn’t feel that way. She kept asking me to explain my feelings and tried to find anything that would prove I loved and cared about my half-sister as family. Then she brought up what I wrote about her husband: that he wasn’t my dad, that I didn’t really like him, that I didn’t consider him family, and that I tolerated him only because she loved him.
She also mentioned a part where I called him an a^#%ole for insisting I miss a paternal family member’s wedding because it was his only day off and he wanted a family day. She asked if it was really such a big deal to me, and I told her it was because he took away time with my actual family. She said, “But we’re a family,” and I said, “You’re my family, and technically my half-sister is, but he’s just the guy you’re married to.”
Her husband walked in at that point, furious. He said he had been listening the whole time and wanted me out of his house. He said that if he wasn’t my father figure, and if his daughter wasn’t good enough for me, then I could leave.
My mom told him to stop and said I wasn’t leaving, but he insisted I was. He told me to go be with the family I actually wanted since I didn’t even want to spend one day with him over them. Mom started fighting with him while I texted my grandpa to pick me up and packed my things. I left behind anything my mom or her husband had bought me so he couldn’t say I was taking his money without giving him the title of family.
My mom has always said she wanted me back and has tried to get me back. Now she says that since we’ve been in therapy for a while, she can find a way for us all to bond and live together as a family again. The therapist asked if she was trying to force me to move back, and she said she wanted me to come back willingly.
That’s when I told her I don’t want to. I said I’m happier staying with my grandparents and seeing her when I can. She told me that’s not how we become a family and cried. She said she really thought I’d be more open to trying because I’d miss them so much. AITA?
Here are some of the comments from the post.
madaddyPTD says:
Oh come on, your mother already knew all of that, that’s why she read your diary. Her husband has zero authority over you, so it was actually your mother who denied you the chance to go to the family wedding.
He only objected because he’s trying to replace your father, and you’re not giving him that chance (has your father passed away?). Stay with your grandparents, and be prepared for a future where her husband tells her she’s not allowed to see or speak to you anymore, and she chooses him.
Sweaty-Delivery-5300 says:
NTA. Your mom has utterly failed as a parent by putting this man and your half sister before you. Your mom needs to see how allowing you to be kicked out by him was an incredible betrayal. She also royally f^#$ed up by reading your own private journal and demanding you guys discuss it.
Your private thoughts sound reasonable and it sounds like you were causing no issues there. You are entitled to your privacy. Protect your peace, stay in an environment that is healthy for you. It is sad but I think you are making the best decision for yourself. I'm sorry you are going through this so young. Wishing you the best.
OP responded:
My mom wanted and still wants everyone to love everyone and be one happy family. She's pushed my brother in a similar way because he keeps in touch with her but hasn't seen her husband or our half sister in over two years. To her it's tragic that I don't love my half sister and don't want to be the best big sister ever to her. I think even me saying half sister bothers her.
bythebrook88 says:
What has the therapist said about your mother reading your journal? Why would you return to her knowing that she could do that again! As well as your stepfather listening in to what you thought was a private conversation with your mother!