'AITA for wanting to treat myself for my b'day instead of penny-pinching?'
"AITA for wanting to treat myself for my bday instead of penny-pinching the whole time?"
DidiDitto writes:
I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (32M) for 2.5 years. For my birthday, I wanted something special. We basically never do romantic things besides hikes. I like them well enough, but he lives for them. We don’t do dinners, movies, city trips, or anything else. His take is that cities are “vapid and superficial,” while nature is healthier and “spiritual.”
This year I suggested a weekend in Vienna, Austria. It’s a 4-hour drive from us. I budgeted the whole trip and saved for it: €700 total for both of us (travel, hotel with breakfast, museums, meals, everything). That’s about €350 each. It would be 2 nights and 3 days.
I have a salary of €1300 and he earns something similar. To me, it seemed doable. Apparently not. He got upset because I wanted to book a hotel room with breakfast included. Honestly, I don’t feel like grocery shopping, prepping, cooking, and cleaning during such a short trip, and I want to make the most of the city. He said that was “spoiled” and “snobby” and even called me a “princess” in a negative way.
He offered a “compromise”: get a cheap room with a shared bathroom, and either pre-cook three days’ worth of food at home to bring with us or let me eat breakfast out while he skips it. Honestly, I don’t want to share a bathroom with strangers and wait in line first thing in the morning.
Meanwhile, if we go to a café, he says he’ll sit with me but won’t order anything because it’s “too expensive and unhealthy.” He is very against eating out, which makes it sound less like a birthday trip and more like me eating alone while he watches.
His reasoning is that he wants to save money to eventually escape the rat race and buy property. I understand that and want a house too, but does that mean we can never enjoy ourselves in the present?
When I said no to the hostel, he turned it around on me: “You never compromise.” But to me, compromise shouldn’t mean downgrading until only one person is happy. So now I’m torn: Do I compromise and risk spending my birthday in a sketchy hostel while listening to him grumble about croissants being “luxury”? Maybe it could still turn out okay.
Or do I cancel the whole thing, skip Vienna, and save myself the frustration? For context: the hotel room with breakfast for 2 nights is €240, while the shared room is €150 per night (with no breakfast included). AITA for refusing to “compromise” on this?
Here are how people reacted to OP's post.
CandylandCanada says:
NTA. You don't have a boyfriend; you have someone who wants to be your better in every way. He knows more about health, finances, travel and the proper life path, so it irritates him when you question his methods and superior knowledge. You've been given insight into your future. Choose wisely.
Bibliophilewitch says:
NTA. Go by yourself, then you have 700 to yourself. And get rid of that penny pinching miserable dope.
kb-g says:
Go to Vienna solo and enjoy yourself on your terms. Use the time to reflect as to whether this is the right partner for you. He’s not going to change, he’s not going to accommodate your preferences. That doesn’t seem fair to me. Also, he’s being very rude. Getting a hotel isn’t spoiled, snobbish or princessy at all. It’s okay to want to be looked after sometimes. NTA.
Practical_Tooth_2329 says:
NTA, why are you with this man? It doesn't sound like he likes or respects you or that your goals are aligned. Is this what you want for your life?