'AITA for not playing baby daddy despite the mother expecting me to?'
"AITA for telling my sister to stop expecting me to play baby daddy?"
Statistic-Error writes:
My (29F) twin sister, Maya, has a 1-year-old son, Lucas. A little backstory: she had a horrible pregnancy right from the first trimester and had to quit her job because she was spending too much time out of the office.
Her ex-boyfriend turned out to be a POS who claimed Maya had cheated on him and pinned the baby on him. When my family insisted on taking a paternity test as soon as the baby was born, he agreed but went out for some milk before the due date.
After Lucas was born, finances became too tricky with a newborn and Maya’s postpartum complications. She asked if I could let her stay with me temporarily so she wouldn’t have to pay rent, and I agreed. I have an extra room in my house (which I inherited from my grandma), so I don’t have to worry about rent either.
Long story short, it’s been tough living with a baby whose mother needs so much more help than one person can provide. Our parents live too far to be of any help. Anyway, I didn’t mind waking up half the time to give Lucas his bottle or staying with him when she needed some time to herself.
I also paid for everything baby-related: hospital bills for both her and my nephew, food, clothes, diapers—you name it. But now that both Maya and my nephew are stable enough for her to resume working, she’s started pushing for more.
She expects me to keep paying for everything, but I told her it’s harder now that I’m not putting in as many hours, and I get paid per hour. Still, she buys nothing, and I end up paying anyway. She also thinks it doesn’t make sense to pay for daycare when I’m home most of the day. I ended up paying for it myself when she wouldn't.
I think it’s important to add that I refused to adopt Lucas. Everyone has always known I will adopt a child or more in the future, but when Maya asked, I didn’t think she would be willing to stay in her bio son’s life as an aunt, and I don't think the confusion would do anyone any good.
So Monday, she asked me to take Lucas to his hospital appointment, and I said no. I told her to take a day off for that because my job hasn’t been doing well lately as I’ve been spending too much time taking care of Lucas.
She pointed out how this is my nephew, and if I adopt kids, I will need to make sacrifices too, to which I said, "I will make them when the time comes, but I’m not Lucas’s dad, and although I'm happy to help where I can, I shouldn’t be expected to change my life for him."
Maya took a day off, but since the appointment, she hasn’t spoken to me except for a yes/no mumble when I talk to her, and she’s been keeping Lucas in her room when he’s not at daycare. I love the little guy with all my heart, and I’m wondering if maybe I took things too far. AITA?
Here are the top comments:
November-8485 says:
NTA. Mentioning you’ll have to make sacrifices after how much you’ve already stepped up reeks of manipulation and entitlement. Yes she has it hard, but she also needs to appreciate and respect how much you’ve helped. And you need the ability to live and move freely or you’ll both sink. Perhaps she should go move in with mom or dad, but you should definitely discuss responsibilities/finances and a move out date.
sswishbone says:
NTA - important boundary set here, you are not the father or employed as a baby sitter. Setting this boundary now is important to nip unreasonable expectations in the bud.
jhercules says:
NTA. Your sister is taking advantage of you. You need to reclaim your life and house.
AggressiveLemon4249 says:
NTA it sounds like you took it just far enough she has to know where your boundaries are. Once she's calmed down you can reiterate that you love the kid and do still want to support her but can't pay for everything and constantly babysit. Especially if it's affecting your job.
What do you think?