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'AITA for refusing to take care of my husband's sick mother because she's a miserly woman."

'AITA for refusing to take care of my husband's sick mother because she's a miserly woman."


"AITA for not being willing to care for my husband's mother?"

financial_issueTRA writes:

My husband of 16 years asked me if I would be willing to care for his mother. I told him no. When my husband asked why not, I told him the truth: we never got along, and she has always been passive-aggressive towards me.

I have been told that it is a thing many Hispanic mothers do when no one is good enough for their child. We are civil towards one another, and that is the best we can do.

My husband even dared to bring up the fact that he supported me when I took care of my dad who had cancer. I told him the situations were different because he offered; I did not ask. I also had other family members who were helping.

He is an only child and has no one else, so everything will mostly fall on my shoulders since he works long hours—sometimes 12 to 18 hours a day. Last week alone, he worked 84 hours. I told him I understand it may seem unfair, but the situations are different. I had support when it came to caring for my dad.

I will have nearly zero support in this case. Yes, he has offered to pay for extra support, but that will just eat into our budget. We are currently trying to save for a house, and I am not working as I am in school, trying to finish up my degree.

I took time off from teaching to care for my dad, and after he passed, I did not want to go back to teaching. So, at the moment, I am in my third year of an engineering degree. I do not wish to put that on hold to take care of his mother.

After I explained all of this, my husband just left and has not returned any of my phone calls. I spoke with my mom, but she was not very helpful. She found it silly that I even went to school in the first place. It got me thinking: am I the asshole for not wanting to put my own goals and life on hold again for a sick parent?

Here are the top comments:

UnlikelyPen932 says:

NTA (Not the A^@$ole). You are the caregiver in both scenarios. That is a heavy responsibility with lots of physical and emotional stress in the best of situations. Dad relationship was most likely a helluva lot nicer than the passive-aggressive hate from MIL.

Suggest to husband that you can finish your degree and get a better paying job that can ease burdens, time, and money so husband can be a caregiver to his mom. He can cook, clean, change bedsheets, chauffeur, etc. Something makes me think he won't be down with that.

Ill_Program_5569 says:

You can support him taking care of his mother in the same way he supported you taking care of your dad.

hello_reddit1234 says:

NTA you should not have to care for his mother but you should also not stop him paying for care for his mother. You quit your job to take care of your father - that financially penalised your family (husband and you). He should have the same flexibility.

Recent_Body_5784 says:

NTA no one should be forced to be a caregiver. Your husband could cut back on his work and take care of her himself or organize something else for her care. You shouldn’t have to put your studies and life on hold. They should have had a plan for this in place a long time ago.

Also, he helped out with your dad, he was not the principal caregiver. I’m sure that you would help out with his mom too, but you’re refusing to be the principal caregiver.

NoRestfortheSith says:

NTA however OP you might want to quickly figure out how you are going to support yourself and pay for your education and save for that house by yourself because it sounds like your husband is going to be your ex- husband soon and he will be spending all that money on his mother's care.

What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
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