'AITA for refusing to wear the bridemaid dress that the bride chose? I won't look good!'
"AITA for telling the bride I don't want to wear the bridesmaid dress she chose?"
Adventurous-Lemon197 writes:
I (40F) was invited to be a bridesmaid for my good friend, who I’ll call Beth (32F). We’ve been friends for almost 8 years after we met at a support group. I happily agreed to be Beth’s bridesmaid and assumed I’d be one of many.
However, Beth told me her friend just had a baby, and her other friend will be having gallbladder surgery at that time. So it will only be me, her three younger sisters, and her SIL.
I was okay with this at first until I actually saw them. They look very, very young. They’re all between 19-28 and extremely slim. I look much older than all of them, which made me feel pretty uncomfortable.
On top of that, she allowed her sisters to choose the dress because I was not able to go with them to the appointment as it was too early for me. The girls chose this sexy, silky satin dress that looks very tight on their bodies. On them, it looks fantastic as they are young with younger bodies, but on me, it will look terrible. I just know it will.
I was very nice and told my friend that I’d like to choose a dress that would be more flattering to my body type as I’m older and bigger than her sisters. It’ll be the same color and fabric, just something I want. My friend was annoyed and said her sisters chose the dress themselves and already purchased it. It’s done.
We went back and forth for several hours, with me trying to make her understand my point. I will be the oldest one there; everyone’s going to be looking at me and comparing me to her younger, slimmer sisters. I don’t want that kind of attention.
My friend was irritated and said that her fiancé is also in his 40s and his five groomsmen are between 40-50 years of age. On top of that, her SIL is actually 48; she just looks good for her age. That made me feel even worse! She said, “Everyone is different ages and sizes, and I need to let it go.”
I thought we were making some headway and that she was going to let me choose a different dress until she left a nasty voicemail early this morning. She told me to get the dress or I can’t be part of it anymore. I’m adding too much stress to her wedding over “stupid insecurities,” and that her family isn’t there to see me or to see what I’m wearing or how I fit into a dress.
They are there for her and her husband. So, either I show up as a bridesmaid in the dress or I show up as a guest. And if I don’t get with the program, she’ll have her cousin take my place.
I feel she could’ve said it nicer than she did. She was very nasty towards me. I also feel she’s not being sensitive. I decided to remove myself as a bridesmaid since she won’t be flexible, but my husband said I was very rude. AITA?
Here are the top comments:
Ill-Pride-2312 says:
YTA (You're the A^#&ole) for your mindset. I'll probably get downvoted to hell, but you're the one making this all about weight and yourself, or in your words "young vs old body type." 40's isn't old the others are probably skinny, you probably aren't. Also discrediting your SIL's unseen work as "just looks good" is dismissive at best. Don't go to the wedding, stop giving the bride stress.
loxima says:
Well, go to the wedding and be supportive, but if you have to make the bridal party outfit about you, you’re probably not a good person for the couple to have in that role. Your main job is making their life easier right now, not causing stress! I would apologize for the behaviour and bow out of being a bridesmaid if the dress is truly a deal breaker for you.
LavenderHazeHippo says:
YTA. It’s the bride's wedding, and she doesn’t want to have any more stress on her plate. She even gave you the option to go to the dress appointment, but you declined because the appointment was too early. How early was the appointment?
Even if you had gone to the appointment, you, the bride, and her other bridesmaids could have agreed on a style of dress you all liked, or you could have found a style you liked while the other bridesmaids wore the silk dress. (The bride might have changed her mind about the dress you wanted because you were already at the dress shop).
Did you ask the SIL how she felt in the dress? Maybe she has the same opinion as you but isn’t being vocal about it. It was rude what your friend said on the voicemail, but if you don’t really want to wear the dress, then don’t be her bridesmaid. Again, you’re putting stress on the bride, and she already has too many things on her mind.
ExpertPaint430 says:
Your husband is right. It's a bridesmaid dress; chill out. You haven't even tried it on, and you're already making assumptions. You are adding stress to her plate, and you didn't remove yourself; she gave you two options, and you chose one. She shouldn't have to adjust and coordinate with you on a whole new dress because of your insecurities.
You could have suggested a shawl or some other accessory to cover the parts you feel insecure about, but instead, you wanted to stress her out instead of helping her. YTA. Also, the "I thought we were making headway" bit screams that in life, you think compromise is you getting your way.
What do you think?