'AITA for dropping my baby off on my ex while he's working because it's his fault that I have it?'
"AITA for dropping our baby off on my ex husband?"
Vegetable_Ring_2588 writes:
This is so messy. My ex-husband (29M) and I (28F) originally agreed not to have any children. We live in Texas, and this world just is not a place I wanted to bring a child into. I also never wanted to be a mother.
My IUD failed, and I got pregnant. I was devastated because I would not be able to get an abortion since we live in Texas. I wanted to travel out of state to get an abortion, and I wanted him to get a vasectomy since I did not want to risk this happening again. He refused both.
He said he would not take me out of state to get an abortion, and he made me very scared of criminal charges. He also refused a vasectomy to prevent more children, since he said he did not want to mutilate himself.
Long story short, I filed for divorce a month after the baby was born. It took a little over two months for the divorce to be finalized, which was a month ago. The baby is now four months old, and the maternity leave that I was lucky enough to have is up.
My ex-husband has moved into his own apartment. I live alone in my home that I owned prior to the marriage, which I inherited from my grandparents. My ex-husband has been visiting the baby here and there on weekends, but he has not had the baby overnight ever. I have suggested it, but he refused.
I tried adoption while I was pregnant. My ex refused. I could not give the baby up for adoption without his permission. To be honest, I do not really like being a mother. The baby and I just have not bonded much.
I have heard that sometimes it takes a while. I have been overwhelmed, and I needed a break. I tried calling him and talking to him about agreeing to a custody situation. He blew me off and said he would let me know when he finds a weekend that works for him.
I was really pissed. I had this baby largely because of him, or I would have gotten an abortion. I love my baby, but I do not want to be a full-time mom. I want 50/50. I work from home as a software developer.
I am lucky enough to be able to watch the baby while I work, so I do not have to pay for daycare. But I need time to be productive with my work. So I figure one week I can be unproductive while watching my child, and the next week I can work extra hard to make up for it. My job is flexible, so it will work for me.
My ex was dodging my calls, so I took our son and a diaper bag and showed up at my ex's work. He works as a car salesman. He was shocked to see me, and even more shocked when I handed him the baby. I told him, "We are doing 50/50 custody. You have the baby this week. You can drop him off at my house next Monday."
He freaked out and said, who will watch the baby while he works? I suggested he pay for daycare if he needs it. He said he cannot afford daycare. We argued, and I told him to figure it out. If I have to figure out how to be a mom, he has to figure out how to be a dad. His parents are calling me every name under the damn sun. Meanwhile, they do not want to babysit for him. AITA?
Here are the top rated comments.
Arorua_Mendes says:
NTA. Your ex forced this situation by preventing your choice then expects to parent only when convenient. Damn right you need breaks. You're doing what needs to be done while he acts shocked that fatherhood requires actual effort. His "when I feel like it" approach isn't parenting it's visiting. Your time matters too.
Get a formal custody agreement immediately because no court would allow him to be just a weekend dad given these circumstances. Document everything now his reluctance your attempts to communicate this incident. You need time to work and recover period.
Numerous_Look_9846 says:
NTA, he literally forced you to have a baby, he has to take responsibility now. If you have the means, get a lawyer and go to court so it's clearly noted that he has to have the baby every other week and that he may also have to pay child support. I would make him pay for forcing you to have a child.
Mother_Search3350 says:
Men do that all the time. Go to family court and file a custody agreement where you get the child every other weekend and holidays and you pay CS. That should have been ordered as part of your divorce. How did you get divorced without any order about custody of that baby?
A child being with a person who doesn't want them or want to parent them is mentally and emotionally destructive. 'I did not want a baby, I would have got an abortion..' those aren't words a child needs to hear from their primary caregiver and mother
OP responded:
Custody was given to me because the baby is so young and I was still on maternity leave. I was told we could revisit it in the next few months, but me having sole custody for a little bit would speed up the divorce. I’ve since contacted a family law attorney, but I haven’t heard back from him.