'I dropped out of my friend's wedding because his delusional bride thinks I want him, AITA?' UPDATED

I got uninvited to the wedding because the bride is jealous of my relationship to the groom.

Grand_Sell1199 writes:

One of my good friends, Matthew (26M), is getting married next month to Jennifer (26F). I (25F) have known Matthew since high school. We’ve both connected when it came to video games, especially Minecraft.

Matthew has had his fair share of girlfriends over the years, but when he met Jennifer 3 years ago, he said that he knew she was the one and they are madly in love with each other, and I am so happy for them both.

Last year, Matthew popped the question to Jennifer, and she said yes. Jennifer’s demeanor towards me drastically changed after the engagement. She was distant towards me, she wouldn’t look at me, and she would hardly speak to me, which was weird since Jennifer was always so sweet and nice towards me.

I’d still talk to Matthew and meet with him and our group of friends, sometimes with Jennifer, and she would still act cold and not speak to me much. I kept my distance from Jennifer. Three months ago, we all received a save-the-date invitation, and their wedding is going to take place at Matthew’s cabin two hours away, and they were going to keep it small due to the size of the cabin, so we were only allowed to bring one guest.

That was when Jennifer acted extremely harsh and hostile towards me and said, “bet you don’t have a plus one since you are so into my man.” I was taken aback. I asked her what the heck she was talking about, and she smirked and said she knew and to not act stupid.

I ignored her remark and told her my boyfriend was coming. She looked surprised and left. I of course told Matthew about what Jennifer said to me, and he was not happy, so he made her apologize to me.

Then, last weekend, I was invited by Matthew’s sister to go dress shopping with her and Jennifer. I declined at first because I wanted to keep my distance from Jennifer, but Matthew’s sister assured me that she will deal with Jennifer and that our other friends will be there with us.

So we go dress shopping, and I found a beautiful dress that I thought would be perfect, and I took a picture to send to my boyfriend since he planned on matching (i.e., with a bow tie) with me. I tried the dress on, and it was a perfect fit, so I guess I got lucky.

Jennifer was angry, called me names such as a wh*^e, a boyfriend-stealing b*&ch, and that I was officially uninvited to the wedding. She caused such a commotion; the employee of the store asked us to leave.

I told Jennifer I didn’t want to come to the wedding anyway, but I was going to because MY FRIEND was getting married. I told her if she didn’t want me at the wedding, fine. I don’t give a darn since I won’t go to a wedding if the bride is going to be so rude to a guest.

Matthew and our friends found out, and I was getting texts left and right begging me to just come to the wedding. I told them I was happy to get uninvited, and I’ll just spend the day with my boyfriend instead. They’re all mad at me for not fighting hard enough. AITA?

OP provided some context:

So my decision is final. I will not be going to the wedding, and there’s no changing my mind about it. I will be sending a wedding gift to Matthew the day prior to the wedding instead.

I told Matthew and all my friends that I won’t be going, and they can’t convince me otherwise. Matthew also called me and asked if we can talk somewhere. I agreed but it’s to tell him in person that I won’t go so that way he knows I’m serious about that.

OP provided an update:

I met up with Matthew and brought my boyfriend along. Of course, he begged me to come to the wedding, and he said he would beg Jennifer to let me attend. I told him it’s best if I wasn’t there. I told Matthew that Jennifer has a problem with me. Period.

He said he doesn’t understand, and he did ask her many times, but Jennifer would continue to say she was just “stressed.” I got angry and said that’s nonsense, and he knows that. My boyfriend also intervened and said to Matthew that he needs to wake up and realize Jennifer is crazy, and he can’t keep defending her.

Matthew said he loves her too much and doesn’t want to lose her. My boyfriend and I got up and told Matthew to let us know when he has a backbone. In the meantime, it’s best we don’t talk. I messaged all of our friends in the group to let them know I’m keeping a distance from Matthew because of Jennifer. He’s still my friend but at an arm's length.

I will still be sending him a gift regardless, but I’m keeping my distance from Matthew. It seems like he is in denial and can’t comprehend what’s going on at all. He usually is in denial, ever since high school he would have a hard time accepting truths.

Another thing to mention is that Jennifer is nice to all of Matthew’s female friends. Just not with me. I’ve also gotten a message from two of our friends saying they have dropped out of attending the wedding because of Jennifer and that they are on my side.

OP responded to some comments:

author124 says:

NTA (Not the A^#&ole) this is wild. You're the one being made uncomfortable after Jennifer started displaying this two-faced behavior (since she was nice before), and you're somehow to blame? That's some major bs. Also, "not fighting hard enough"; part of adulthood is learning which battles are worth fighting. Kudos to you for not wasting your time and energy on this one.

OP responded:

I’ve even spoken to Matthew about her behavior a couple times and she would act nice for a little bit but then return to her mean ways. It’s like he’s too blinded by love to see that.

NGDGUnpunished says:

I guarantee there's a piece of information you (or we) are missing. She was fine with you until around the time of the engagement, then things went sideways. Somebody said something to her and I suspect it was your friend.

That he's begging you to show up at the wedding when his fiancee is adamantly against it is really telling. Whatever. Don't go as she'll make a huge scene. There's no way that marriage will last. NTA.

OP responded:

I’ve been trying to figure that out and I’ve asked Matthew many times but he kept using the wedding planning and the engagement as an excuse and that when she’s overwhelmed, she acts distant but I don’t buy it anymore.

Individual_Plan_5593 says:

NTA Why are they angry at you for not “fighting hard enough” instead of her for creating this situation in the first place?!? Also, please tell me his sister stood up for you at the dress shop like she said she would?

OP responded:

She did. She was angry with Jennifer and told her to apologize but Jennifer went rabid and said “over my dead body”. His sister messaged me later on and told me that she thought the dress I picked was beautiful and checked in and asked if I was okay.

What do you think?