'I drunkenly kissed a friend at a party and he told me he loved me. How do I approach this?' UPDATED 2X

"I (21F) drunkenly kissed a lifelong friend (22M) at a party and he told me he loved me. How do I approach this?"

James and I have been friends since second grade. We have shared practically everything with each other. Been there for each other when no one else was. We tell each other “I love you” pretty often. He is my family. I don’t drink much (ever), and James had begged me to come with him to his friend’s apartment for drinks and games. I decided to let loose (bad move on my part) and drank too much.

He had a bit to drink as well but not nearly as much. He saw I was warm and loopy, so he took me out for some fresh air. Honestly, this bit is pretty fuzzy. I just remember laughing and going to kiss his cheek like I would my mother, but it didn’t end that way? I missed and kinda hit the corner of his mouth, and he took that as an invitation to really kiss me. We kind of made out?

And then he told me he loved me and I told him I loved him too, cause that’s what we always say, but he responded with something like, “no, like I am in love with you”. And then I puked in a bush and he took me home (still quite embarrassed about it). It has been a couple days and neither of us has brought it up. I am kind of confused about my feelings?

I haven’t really been “in love” before, but I do love him and have always considered him my person. Am I being obtuse? How can I bring the topic up with him because I do want to discuss it once I figure myself out?

The internet did not hold back their thoughts.

Heavy-Quail-7295 wrote:

I had a bff woman when I was younger. We both got married to other people, divorced, caught feelings later and have been married for 22 years.

Process how you feel, then talk it out.

OP responded:

Is there a good way to process emotions? I am just so confused and nervous tbh.

turbo-cum responded:

Ask yourself honestly how you feel. Don't worry about the future. Don't worry about what happened.

"Do I enjoy being around him?" Is the only question you ask.

Then you go a step further, "Is he nice to me?" and then eventually youll get to "do I like him as more than just a friend?"

One step at a time, but you two have crossed into unchartered territory so you have to either diffuse it and move on or embrace it and move on.

Maybe you don't like him, but maybe you do. Either way, you're young so you should embrace what it means to be human and see where life takes you. It seems to want you to go this direction, if only for a little while.

Justintruedope wrote:

Next time you guys are alone together, just say "hey, I wanted to talk about the other night". But I would 100000% PLEASE figure out your own feelings/what you want before you do that.

Takemeover_parachute wrote:

Sounds to me like it's worth exploring your feelings by seeing if a relationship will work. There's no safe (edit: safe as in avoiding hurt feelings, risking friendship, etc) way to know without trying. Just make sure it's logical (does he treat you well, is he honest, how has he treated partners in past relationships, do you have compatible religious/political/financial views) and let the emotional figure it out.

A week later, OP shared an update.

Sooooooo we talked and I was honest. I have been way overthinking this and really just confusing myself more and more. I came to terms with the fact that I was truly very into the kiss and enjoyed the thought kissing him even when I was sober. So I told him that.

But I also told him how nervous I have been about our relationship because I have thought of him as someone who will be in my life forever since 6th grade, and I have never been lucky in love. The thought of us parting ways because our relationship goes south makes me feel legitimately ill, and I told him that too. I started off with the talking because he knew it was coming and I could tell he was incredibly nervous.

But he seemed to loosen up as I continued. He actually smiled a little. After I finished my speech, he said “can I say something cheesy but true?” And I naturally replied with yes. He told me that he has loved me since middle school and that he never thought it would get this far. I am still utterly shocked by this. I seriously have never known.

I was getting all flustered and shy because of a man I have literally shared everything with, which is bonkers. When I am with him, I am the most unapologetic version of myself, but he had me BLUSHING. That pretty much solidified it for me. The only thing left to discuss was how to move forward, and he took the initiative and asked what it was that I wanted to do about this.

I had been thinking about this for a day or so since unraveling how I felt about him. I suggested that we go on a real date, not just a hangout, if he would be okay with that. I understand that at this point, he is much deeper into this than I am, so I don’t want to do anything to hurt him, but committing super hard would be a lie on my end and this feels necessary to explore.

Honestly, it is a possibility that he could find out that I was better in his head or something? Anyway, he agreed and we are giving it a shot. I am very happy, and he seems to be as well. He was absolutely grinning once I offered up the date idea. He was tickled that I asked him out. It was very cute. So thank you to everyone for your suggestions and support! It was surprisingly helpful.

This post was more like a diary entry than anything else, and reading it back is kind of cringe, but I am grateful nonetheless. If anyone is reading this, have a great day <3

Edit: Any questions, concerns, or advice about the situation would be great. I am still a bit of a jumble and talking things out with someone usually helps.

The internet loved the update.

Mermaidstudio wrote:

This is so wholesome! Sounds like you handled everything really well, being honest about your feelings, acknowledging your fears, and giving yourselves space to explore things naturally. The fact that he’s been in love with you for so long and was so happy when you asked him out is seriously adorable. Wishing you both the best on your date!

OP responded:

Thank you! Keep your fingers crossed for me lol

stinky-peterson wrote:

When I don’t have time for a romcom, wholesome updates like this will do. Hope it keeps going well at a pace you’re comfortable with!

Phoenixmusicman wrote:

Y'all are cute.

ATGF wrote:

This is NOT concluded. We need the update in 5-10 years to read all about the wedding.

Five weeks later, OP shared another update.

Hey everyone! I really didn’t think I would ever do another update, but so many of you have asked for one that it feels evil holding onto this information haha.

Just a summary of my last two posts: James and I drunkenly made out and he said he was in love with me. I freaked out and questioned how I felt about him cause we have been best friends since second grade. I came to the conclusion that I enjoyed kissing him and we talked it out and decided to try out a real date.

James and I are exclusively dating and have been since that first date, which went… well? I thought that I would be the nervous one and he would be chill, since I had been overthinking about how our dynamic will change since day one and he kept saying he was so excited for the date.

But when he picked me up and brought me flowers like the gentleman he is, my brain went a quiet calm and everything just felt like it clicked into place for me. He, on the other hand, was sweating bullets. Incredibly nervous. He was chivalrous and cheesy, opening the car door for me and making a show of it. It was really adorable.

Also, this felt entirely new. I wondered if our date would feel like a regular hangout, but it didn’t. It felt special, and my cheeks were warm and tired from smiling the entire night. The car ride was kind of awkward at first just because he was so stiff, but he explained that this is something that he had been dreaming of for years now and was really scared to mess up.

He loosened up after I reassured him that the biggest possible mess up wouldn’t deter me. We had a real big heart to heart on the drive to the restaurant and came to the conclusion that no matter how this goes, we will be in each other’s lives no matter what capacity.

It made us both relax a bit more. I held his hand in the parking lot. Because we already know each other like no one else, we fell into our conversational habits, but it still felt like I was unlocking parts of him that weren’t available to me before and that he was doing the same to me.

I really thought I would be freaked out, but it is so natural and we have such a deep trust that has been established over the years that I don’t even feel slightly stressed. Sometimes it is a little weird, but nice. Over the years we have “cuddled” a few times, like a head on the shoulder with minimal contact.

So being a little more intimate feels foreign, and sometimes I do feel the need to rewire my brain because I have to remind myself that it is appropriate to do with him. But once I remind myself, it is incredibly nice. It has been over a month since our date and we are still taking it slow. Don’t expect an engagement announcement anytime soon.

We are comfortable with this pace. Also, if you have any questions about our past or our relationship, fire away! There is a lot of lore spanning over a decade lol. Thanks to everyone who wants to keep up with how we are doing! It is genuinely so sweet to have the amount of support that you guys have provided.

The commenters continued to share their thoughts and support.

Beautiful-Story3911 wrote:

Friends to lovers is the best plot twist. 19 years strong with my friend ?

BlondeBobaFett wrote:

I love this. I am curious - did he tell you why he didn't confess sooner? Like did he almost tell you some other time? Seems like such a long time to wait.

OP responded:

He confessed that he actually never planned on telling me. He was so positive that it could never happen and thought it would be a burden on me. Thank you, alcohol lol

Cool-Narwhal-1364 wrote:

I'm going through devastating heart break right now and gearing up to tell someone a final goodbye. This despite it all made my day. I'm very happy for you two and this is joyful. Many reading this are rooting for you two! I hope to recheck this one day and find you two are living long and happy lives together.

OP responded:

I feel for you. Good luck on your journey <3

Sypsy wrote:

One of my best friends married his childhood friend, they were friends for a long long time before dating a bit before your age. I think the turning point was they realized that they could try it, or fade the friendship when one of them got serious/married to someone else. This was like 18 years ago They are still married, have two kids and going strong!