'AITA for buying my mom something my dad couldn't afford to make her happy?'
"AITA for buying something for my mom after my dad told her he can’t buy it for her because he couldn’t afford it?"
ThrowRA27281804 writes:
I’m a gay 30-year-old man. My dad and I had a falling out when he found out I’m gay. We still keep in contact and talk to each other, but the relationship is very emotionally distant. We live on opposite sides of the country.
I work in corporate finance and do well for myself. My dad works in IT and isn’t great with money. I came out to my family last year, but before that, I used to manage my dad’s finances and retirement accounts because I know how to handle money.
After I came out, my dad told me he didn’t want me managing his accounts anymore, so I backed off. He made some bad investments and lost money. It wasn’t a huge portion of his portfolio, but it was significant.
Earlier this year, he decided to buy a house that costs nine times his yearly salary. His plan was to buy it on a mortgage and sell his current house afterward. I told him I thought it was a bad idea. This was back in March.
Fast forward to now. My parents bought the new house with a 7 percent interest rate. They sold their old house for 75,000 dollars under the asking price because they only got one offer and became desperate.
I told my dad I’d be happy to help in any way, but he never took me up on it. Fortunately, they’re staying afloat because I had made sure he contributed the maximum to his retirement accounts when I was managing his finances. I had also picked some good long-term options contracts for him that helped bring in cash flow.
Here’s where I might be the a^#&ole. During all of this, my dad became very stressed about money. He stopped spending on anything that wasn’t essential. There were no upgrades to the new house, no new furniture, and no remodeling of the kitchen or bathrooms.
My mom had her eye on a particular sofa that cost 5,000 dollars. She had wanted it for a very long time and it was always on display at her favorite furniture store. My dad told her no. She was pretty sad about it, so I decided to buy it for her as a present. I also rented a U-Haul, picked it up, and assembled it in their new home.
My dad got really angry and said I was undermining him. I’ll admit I was already frustrated with him about a lot of things, and without thinking, I said, “Well, if you can’t afford something she wants, then I’ll step in to make her happy.”
OP responded to some comments.
295Phoenix says:
NTA but you may want to save up money for mom so she can live in an apartment after dad goes bankrupt. He's clearly financially incompetent and would rather destroy his and his wife's livelihoods than give up on his prejudice.
OP responded:
Honestly? I know my dad so well to the point that I knew how everything would play out and I planned accordingly. I kept my mom’s retirement and investment accounts separate so that I can continue managing them after coming out. And it played out exactly how I expected it to.
AngrySquidIsOK says:
5k and it's a put together yourself?
OP responded:
Only because earliest delivery and assembly would have been 3-4 weeks and since I live on the opposite side of the country I wouldn’t be there to see if when it came. I wanted to see the smile on my mom’s face when she saw it in their new home for the first time. So I got a U-Haul and asked a couple buddies of mine to help me get it home. It’s a pretty easy assembly.