'AITA going out as a twenty year old even though it bothers my 40 year old BF?'
"AITA for enjoying my “solo” time to the max when my bf is out of town?"
Temporary_Usual_5386 writes:
I (27F) have been with my bf (42M) for almost two years. We live together, so we spend most of our time together (dinner, gym, weekend plans, etc.). I’m very social and love spending time with family and friends, so when I say “solo time,” I really mean alone time with them.
Prior to us dating, I would have sleepovers with my sister and best friends all the time. My bf thinks that’s weird and that no one does that. I think I was just in my mid-twenties, and it’s not that weird to do face masks, stay up all night talking, and watch our true crime shows.
(Maybe I’m stuck in my high school days, or maybe it’s just the age gap???) I also used to love going out and dancing at our local house music bars. My bf hates the music, so we spend all our weekends hanging out with his friends and frequenting places he enjoys.
So when he goes out of town, I hang out with my family and friends the entire time, go out and dance at my old favorite places (with my girlfriends), and over the weekend, I had my sister and her bf over for the Super Bowl. We stayed up until 2 a.m. and had some wine, so I told them to just sleep in the guest room and leave in the morning.
My boyfriend is mad because I came home at 4 a.m. on Saturday. He asks why I can’t be “normal” and just go out for a few cocktails and come home. (Full disclosure: We checked out an after-hours spot next door and decided it was a little too grungy, so we called an Uber after 10 minutes.
But it took 25 minutes to get there, plus I live 20 minutes away, so that’s why I got home at 4.) Then, he got mad that I had my sister and her bf stay over, saying it’s absolutely absurd that I was up at 2 a.m. (Which, 90% of the time, I’m in bed with him by 9 p.m., so to me, who CARES if I stayed up until 2 a.m. or even 7 a.m.? It’s not an all-the-time thing at ALL.)
I apologized for having my sister and her bf stay over because he said it’s weird that I had another man stay over while he was away. I can understand that. But he can go out and not talk to me until he gets home at 3 a.m. all weekend, yet God forbid I essentially do the same. It just feels like such a double standard (one of his least favorite terms, by the way).
But seriously, AITA for just wanting to do all the things I feel like I can’t normally do when he’s home, while he’s away? Am I wrong for wanting to have sleepovers with friends or stay up late? Do I need to grow up, or is this a little controlling?? IMO, who cares if I spend three hours or three days straight with family and friends—you aren’t even home!?
OP responded to some comments.
elwood_911 says:
Tell your old man boyfriend to stop acting like your father. Just because he doesn't like staying out late doesn't mean you don't. If he wants a partner to do old person things with him, he should try dating someone his own age.
OP responded:
I will say that I am very very aware of this and try to proceed with caution. I have never been in a controlling relationship and am very much so a free spirit. This is my first AG relationship so I’m trying not to confuse navigating AG issues with potential controlling ones.
Stranger0nReddit says:
NTA. Nothing you're doing is weird or "not normal". I'm in my 30's and sleep over at my sister's all the time, along with girl's nights with friends where we will crash at each other's houses.
Honestly, it's concerning he is responding to you doing that in such a negative way. And he's not okay with your sister's BOYFRIEND staying the night with her there as well? That's ridiculous. This is giving red flag energy.
OP responded:
Okay I was honestly starting to question if I was the only one still having sleepovers in my twenties. I didn't think it was that weird and I've mostly attributed it to the fact that maybe he thinks its weird because he's a guy but also maybe sleepovers weren't a thing back in his day?