'AITA for not letting my SIL meet my rich friend because she's mannerless with rich people?'
"AITA for excluding my SIL from meetups with my rich friend?"
SnooCookies9779 writes:
I (40F) met my friend “Dana” (40F) through a mutual activity that we are both involved in. Making new friends as an adult is hard, and I met her at a time when many of my close friends had just moved away, so I was really happy to find someone fun to talk to and hang out with.
We also have kids the same age, which has been great for them too. Nothing about Dana’s appearance or demeanor suggests “crazy rich,” but after we got to know each other a bit, I discovered that she and her husband are extremely wealthy.
Despite my husband and I being upper middle class, the wealth disparity between us can feel a little intimidating if I dwell on it. Luckily, it has never been a factor in our friendship. We do normal things like grab dinner or coffee, and hang out at regular places. While I am not “rich,” I have a good job and a comfortable life, so I do not need anything from Dana beyond her friendship.
My sister-in-law “Kate” (45F) and I have a cordial relationship when we see each other at family functions, but otherwise we do not spend much time together. I have nothing against her, and as far as I know, she has nothing against me, but we are very different people with little in common.
In the course of our 10+ year relationship, neither of us has ever invited the other to hang out outside of family events. Kate owns her own business, which depends heavily on client relationships.
I believe she is good at her job, but I do not go out of my way to recommend her to friends or family because 1) I prefer not to mix business and family for anyone, and 2) she has a somewhat difficult personality, and many of her business relationships end poorly.
About a month ago, Dana and I ran into Kate while jogging in the park. I have no idea how Kate recognized Dana, but ever since then she has been pestering me with questions about how I know her and asking to be included in our meetups.
I brushed it off for a while, but things came to a head at a family BBQ this past weekend. Kate told me I was gatekeeping my friendship with Dana “because she’s rich.” I told her that most of our meetups revolve around the activity Dana and I share, which Kate has repeatedly said she is not interested in, and that I did not feel comfortable introducing them when it seemed like Kate only wanted to meet her because of her money.
For context, Kate has met other friends of mine who are wealthy (though not as wealthy as Dana) at parties, and she has asked them intrusive questions about their income and lifestyle. Because those encounters happened organically, I let them be, but I always found it inappropriate.
Kate left the BBQ, and my mother-in-law later said she was crying in her room because she has always wanted to “get an in” with a more affluent group of friends and feels upset that it seems to come so easily to me.
My MIL usually does not get involved in things like this, but she asked me to consider helping by introducing them so that Kate could promote her business. I said no, because I did not want to put Dana in an uncomfortable situation. Now both Kate and my MIL are upset with me. AITAH for not making this introduction?
People gave OP their thoughts.
BulbasaurRanch says:
NTA. You don’t need to facilitate any relationship with your SIL and your friends. Your friends are not commodities to pass around to family.
Legitimate-Curve-346 says:
NTA. I don't know how likely it is that Dana and Kate would meet again, but if there's a chance, I'd probably have a conversation with Dana now just so she's aware of the situation. It would suck if Kate used your name as an in and made things awkward between you and Dana.
Shadow4summer says:
NTA. This is so laughable. Maybe if SIL was a better person, she’d have better friends. But most people already see her user behavior and don’t want that. Plus poster would probably lose her friendship if she went along with this particular scheme. Stay away from SIL and MIL until they come to their senses.
HoldFastO2 says:
NTA. You will be judged by Dana for introducing Kate to her, if Kate ends up annoying her, or doing whatever it is she does that causes the majority of her business relationships to go south. Don't put yourself into that position.