'I exposed the mother of my grandchildren for being a thief who stole $35k from us, AITA?'
I exposed the mother of my grandchildren for stealing from us.
Any_Match_8697 writes:
My son, Tommy, died suddenly 6 years ago. He was recently divorced with two kids with his ex-wife. The kids were 5 and 6 years old at the time of their dad's death. The kids and Tommy lived with us for a year at one point.
Tommy's ex, Marla, was serving time after she stole from Tommy, from a friend of Tommy's, and from my husband and myself. It delayed the divorce, so they had been separated for more than two years, and the separation started when Tommy learned Marla had cheated.
We found out about the stealing after (and she stole from us after the separation). All in all, Marla stole close to $35k from all of us. Marla had recently been released and started back with 50/50 custody of the kids when Tommy died.
After Tommy died, Marla attempted to cut our family out of the lives of my grandchildren. My husband and I went to court and were awarded very generous grandparent visitation under grandparents' rights of our state.
Marla was furious. She tried to appeal, but it was rejected twice. The relationship between us was not civil. So we kept it simple and only communicated times for pick up; dates were already specified.
Marla remarried and now has additional children. Marla has asked a few times for us to include her other children. We ignore the requests. She has yelled at us when we pick up our grandchildren and does not care if they hear.
We stay silent generally. My husband and I have no wish to be a part of her other children's lives or to play any sort of role in her and her current husband's life. We have a relationship with our grandkids. They're close to us as we are to them, and they never ask to include their half-siblings. So we keep things as they are.
Last week, my grandson had a school talent show that they wanted us to attend, so we did. Marla and her husband were there with their kids, but we sat apart. When the kids finished and went back to their classrooms and as we were leaving, Marla approached and asked us to please think of her other kids and start acting like grandparents to them.
We stayed civil and refused. Marla called us monsters. She said we were hideous monsters for turning our backs on her and her other kids just because she moved on after Tommy. She accused us of cruelty to children. She was very loud.
I lost my temper and told her if she had wanted us in her life, she wouldn't have cheated on our son and stolen from him, his friend, and us, and ended up going to prison. I told her we owed her nothing and we owed her children nothing, and she needed to accept that our grandkids would always be our grandkids, but she was no longer part of our family.
Marla reacted to others hearing this and told me I had no right to air her dirty laundry publicly. That I should have kept that out of "our mutual dispute". AITA?
OP responded to some comments:
heather20202024 says:
NTA. - she actively tried to stop you visiting your grandchildren and is now complaining you’re not grandparents to her other children? She’s obviously unhinged, I wouldn’t let what she says bother you (unless it hurts the children).
OP responded:
Yes, she is complaining that we're not acting as grandparents to her other children and most likely complaining that we're not making her life easier with our support to her other kids.
Fartin_Scorcese says:
NTA - all that prison info is publicly available anyway. I'm just wondering what kind of sh%t judge gave her any custody at all?
OP responded:
None of what happened makes her an unfit parent in the eyes of the law. I don't entirely agree because of some of her actions but the courts and judges disagreed.
Silaquix says:
NTA she started it public and you simply defended yourself with the truth. I wonder if she's upset you said it in public, or that you mentioned some of her actions, like the cheating, in front of her current husband.
Makes me wonder if he knew about that or not and if not is she worried that he'll think differently about her. Either way it's not your problem and she should know better than to throw stones in a glass house.
OP responded:
He was the main affair partner from what we know, so he has to know.
What do you think?