'My boyfriend of 4 years made a Hinge 'to make friends.' How do I handle this?' MAJOR UPDATE

"I F/22 found out that my boyfriend of 4 years M/24 made a hinge account 'to make friends.' How do I handle this?"

About us we met online 4 years ago, medium ldr (if that makes sense) had our ups and downs like everyone. I found an email in his inbox with a verification code for a hinge account under his name. (I am logged into his gmail and yes just check it sometimes). I confronted him and told him that I know he made an account.

He explained that him and his friends were talking about it so he made an account but just to see if he could find friends to play online games with.

I looked up and from what I know Hinge doesn't have a "looking for friends" (not sure I never used it) I told him that Hinge is clearly more used for dating, his response was that he was going to used it to look for friends guy or girl he didn't care about gender because he is feeling lonely sometimes. He said he never really used it and deleted it the same day. He apologised and said he should have told me.

I'm not sure how to feel about this but I'm not okay with it. I feel powerless, he didn’t really do anything but I feel like he is keeping things away from me (or just not telling me) thinking I would never find out anyways or he probably thinks it’s not relevant to tell me (just speculating trying to understand him).

It made me feel angry when I saw that email and when he said that it was just to makes friends when hinge is clearly a dating app but now I am just confused and a bit overwhelmed because I don't know what to say to him or what to do and how to act.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Motchiko wrote:

Tell him you met a friend on tinder and plan to meet him tonight- of course in a friendly manner. Let’s see how he reacts.

Be fr- of course it’s a lie. I’m sorry that you wasted so much time but he isn’t your husband. Better start looking for him.

OP responded:

I don’t think he is lying but I know it doesn’t makes it right what he did.

Motchiko responded:

Have you seen his matches and chats? Otherwise it’s fair to say that he lied.

OP responded:

He said he downloaded the app, set up his account but never used it and deleted it after making it because it was I quote “cringe and superficial” and he was not comfortable with that? I know very vague.

supremelordmom wrote:

He was using a dating app. And while initially he may have justified it to himself and you by saying he's looking for friends, but he knows very well that people on there are looking for something serious in general. Even if he made a "friend" he's much likely to become subject into interest for dating. Thus, he's putting himself in a position that may hurt you and/or this relationship and thus himself.

OP responded:

He said he never actually actively used his account to swipe people but I know it’s weird and suspicious why he thought it was oke to download it in the first place

jsmith61181 wrote:

This sounds like a pretty poor excuse to me from him. There are a million ways you can try to find friends before this. There are also some dating apps with a function that allows you to find friends rather than dates, like Bumble.

Hinge is not one of them. In my time using Hinge, I did come across people from time to time who said they just wanted friendships. But they were very much the exception and not the rule.

The next day, OP shared an update.

I didn’t think I would have a update this quick. This all happed yesterday but today I found out after I confronted him he went back on hinge that evening, after he said he deleted it. I guess he still hasn’t figured out I am logged into his gmail but again he received a email and this time an invoice from apple, subscription confirmation for hinge. He paid for hinge+

So I asked him again “are you on any dating apps or websites” and he lied and said no. I told him that I know so he confesses he did do that.

But that is not everything, because I am logged into his gmail I can also see his google search history and youtube watch history. And in his search history I found he was looking up things about tinder, which told me enough. I asked if he also made a tinder profile and he confirmed. And still he is saying it was just to make friends and he hasn’t talked or messaged anyone on it.

He doesn’t know why he did it and I also don’t understand why. After I confronted him, he said he panicked and made it worse by getting Hinge+ and not telling me he was also on tinder because he was scared.

End of the story I’m done with his lies and it’s over between us.

The commenters continued to share their thoughts.

Brielleissickofurshit wrote:

I’ve never seen someone “panic” and sign up for a dating app subscription. Just saying.

Weak_Lack9241 wrote:

You don’t wonder why. He did it cause he wants to cheat. He wants to cheat because he’s not addressing something within himself.

You dump him. You move on. He gets to be on apps and not lie. Everyone wins.

avid-learner-bot wrote:

It's heartbreaking to see trust broken so easily but I hope you're finding peace in knowing you've made the right choice... just remember to take a moment to breathe and focus on what comes next, whether that's rebuilding your life or simply giving yourself time to heal.