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'I found out why my boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep with me. I gained weight.' UPDATED 2X

'I found out why my boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep with me. I gained weight.' UPDATED 2X


The truth can sting, which is why many people actively avoid it.

In a popular post on the Two Hot Takes subreddit, a woman asked for relationship advice after she learned an ugly truth. She wrote:

"I found out why my boyfriend doesn’t want to have s*x with me."

I (22F) started dating my boyfriend (25M) a year ago. I was a pretty lean person and was very active when I met him. After being together for a while I decided to take extra precautions and use birth control. Due to stress and the birth control I gained a significant amount of weight. My boyfriend has been very supportive and we were having a lot of s*x.

After having a horrible reaction I decided to take a break off birth control. That is when I noticed my boyfriend stopped taking the initiative and would only ask for oral. I was already feeling sh#$ty because of how much weight I gained and just him not wanting to have s*x just hurt me badly. I decided to have a conversation and see if I could change something.

At first he just said the condoms were just so uncomfortable. My love language has always been physical touch so I obliged and tried birth control again. Due to having school and work, working out has been extremely hard so I kept gaining weight and s*x was still almost non existent. But he kept telling me it’s because he is stressed and just a lot going on. So I was patient and supportive.

Yesterday we decided to play a little game, the blunt free trial. He would have to be 100% honest with me and I would try my best to not take it personal. I asked him what is the thing he really dislikes about me. At first he didn’t want to say it and I pushed him to tell me. Which is so stupid of me. He then looked at my tummy and said the reason why we haven’t had s*x as often anymore is because of my weight.

He assured me he still loved me and wants to be with me but that’s his preference. It broke me because that same day just a couple of hours ago we had s*x. I just feel horrible and disgusting and I don’t know what to do. I love him and I saw myself spending my life with him. But I can’t stop thinking about what he said.

What should I do? I don’t know if I should try to work this out. Our lease ends in may so I have some time to rethink my relationship with him. Any advice would help.

Not long after posting, OP shared a small update.

Edit: Many have asked about how much I have gained. I gained 20 lbs and I think most of it distributed to my butt and boobs some still went to my back and tummy. I have some tummy rolls when I sit and some back rolls. This weight journey has been so new to me because I always used to be very underweight.

Then COVID happened and I was able to gain some weight. I started working out and I was at my perfect weight and was pretty confident. This year I graduate from college and I have been experimenting a lot with birth controls so my weight and mental health has been impacted. Stress, even when I have been little, has always affected my weight.

I am slowly getting the help I need but note I’m a college student and recently I have been getting more money to take care of myself. I take accountability that I probably could have a better discipline and not let it get out of hand.

The internet weighed in with their advice and thoughts.

Clear-Firefighter877 wrote:

You wanted honesty, and he gave it to you (after you pried). I don't blame him for his preferences just as I wouldn't blame you for leaving him. Not really sure what you thought the outcome of a "game” where you force your partner to tell you something they dislike about you was going to be, but at least you got your answer.

Would you prefer he lied to you?

Best of luck moving forward.

Godspeed, internet stranger.

OP responded:

I honestly thought the worst thing he was going to say is me snoring or something silly like that. I didn’t expect this harsh conversation because it was just a game and he is the one who first initiated it. But yes I probably shouldn’t have asked that if I wasn’t ready.

[Deleted Commenter] wrote:

I just wanna throw out some info- some women (me included) absolutely need birth control. I tried to get off of it after 20 years (I'm 35/F) and after 6 months of the worst menstrual cycles - me in tears from pain- I went back on birth control and within 3 months felt so much better.

I have Endo and PCOS and the pain from both is crippling and birth control helps 100%. I can't be off of it and now I am concerned the Republicans are coming for my birth control. Condoms don't protect 100%. Birth control doesn't impact health negativity (a small percentage may not want to take it)

OP responded:

I was an accidental baby because the condom broke. That’s one of the main reasons why I’m on it. It has tremendously helped my period. It used to be so painful, irregular and heavy flow. Now I can comfortably do daily stuff without feeling super crappy.

Particular-Wind5918 wrote:

Take a step back and think about this, you are putting your health at risk so you can have non-existent s*x, and long term body issues. Stop this business! Take care of yourself, get off birth control and get your hormones regulated. He can wear a cond*m. That’s it, that’s all. You can get back to healthy habits and get your body back. Don’t put your health at risk like this.

hyrule_47 wrote:

Throughout your life your physical appearance WILL change. It might be weight, you might lose your hair, you might lose a limb or your breasts. You likely hope to have a long life with a partner who will stick with you through those things. If he was no longer attracted to you due to the side effect of a medication, then his attraction is skin deep. Do with that information what you will.

The next day, OP shared an update.

I love my boyfriend and while many suggested to break up I thought the best thing before considering breaking up is having a conversation. I sat him down and told him my concerns with his comment. How uncomfortable and damaging it is and how this all started because I started taking birth control. He was very understanding and apologized.

He said it was poor choice of words and that he loves me and he will stand by my side no matter what size I am. He helped me create a mutual plan where we both would work out together at home and both get back in shape. After everyone’s advice I scheduled an appointment with my gynecologist to either find a better non hormonal birth control or get off birth control and instead sticking with condoms.

He assured me that c*ndoms are more than fine and that we probably should have stuck with them. Thank you so much to everyone’s support and kindness. And if anyone is experiencing similar issues I hope you find the support I found on Reddit :).

The internet had a lot to say.

Inevitable_Block_144 wrote:

Just read the two posts and the only thing I have to say is: did you talk about it with your gynecologist to eventually try another pill or another form of contraception? Because if the weight is gained from the pill, I'm not sure it will disappear with workout. At least for me it didn't. It was very frustrating.

I suffered a few trials and errors but managed to find the contraceptive that was right for me in the end.

Not every contraceptive works with every woman.

Roguespiffy wrote:

If the difference in him desiring you and not wanting to touch you is a meager 20 lbs then you guys have problems.

Just saying.

thatrezkid wrote:

I’m sorry to break this to you but if it’s a little mid-section weight that causes him to not want to have s*x, he’s not in love. I recently lost 50lbs and my husband has said “ I know you lost weight, but you’ve always looked the same to me” I’ve had to show him pics of me at my heaviest for him to actually “see” the difference. I know everyone has preferences, but when they say “love is blind” it’s quite true.

heckyeahcheese wrote:

Girl he is all red flags. You only gained 20 lbs and he's saying this bc he realizes how much value you add to his life and how much better you can do without him. Leave his crusty a*s and find your inner peace. This guy is a giant baby and it'll only get worse.

Hopefully, OP does what's best for her moving forward - BF or not.

Sources: Reddit
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